humor – Page 6 – Britt Skrabanek

Gone Road Trippin’

My dear, fantastic, rad, amazing sweet ones…

I will be out of the blogging office starting tomorrow, August 29th. No social media, pix, comments, likes, etc. – I’m going dark.

Mr. H and I will be embarking on a road trip (or, le road trip as we are lovingly calling it) to Montreal. It’s been almost an entire year since I’ve had a vacation.

(Gasp.)

Tell me about it!

I’ll be back on September 10th with some North American tales. In the meantime, stay cool, be cool, and…I’ll miss you guys!

Yours truly,

Britt

Love Thy Editing

Say it with me…I

love

love

OK, guys. Here’s the toughy…editing.

silence

editing (she repeats in a firm, but encouraging tone)

extreme silence

Alright, writer pals. We’re getting there. Baby steps.

I just so happen to be one of those weirdos who doesn’t mind the editing process. (Notice I still didn’t say love.)

When it comes to a systematic approach, mega details, and cutthroat decisions devoid of emotion. Well…meet my dark side, folks! The editor.

On a less intense note, I see editing as something to cherish. Because at the end of the day, you just wrote a freaking book.

A novel is no joke, pumpkins.

The love, commitment, and devotion put writing a book on par with the most important people in your life. That book is the buddy you tell all of your secrets to, the lover you think about endlessly, and the spawn of your imagination.

It’s your soul in written form.

Man, oh man. There’s just something magical about seeing your first draft all printed out.

Sure, it looks like shit. But that shit is yours.

Currently, I’m working on my second draft of The Bra Game. In other words, I’m murdering my baby with a cheap red pen.

Now I don’t claim to be an expert, nor am I anything in the vicinity of a bestseller. In fact, I’m a self-taught writer who gets her jollies by bending the rules.

But, I do have three books under my belt, so I’ve learned a thing or two about editing.

Specifically, how to try to love it a little.

Change location Rather than being chained to your desk with a sad face, take your printed baby outside. Fresh air will do your pasty ass some good.
Check out some resources As writers, we will forever remain students. Recently, I picked up “Self-Editing for Fiction Writers“. Some parts boosted my confidence, while others slapped me on the wrist. But, it was all good. I learned some shit.
Read it out loud For the sake of your loved ones, try to do this in private. But, do it. When it comes to the rhythm of your writing, especially dialogue, it is crucial to mouth off.
Sporkforge Hey, what’d you just call me?! I stumbled across Sporkforge from another writing blog once. It’s ghetto as hell, but it’s a life saver. The word counter/text analyzer is a free online tool that dishes out your repetitious words and phrases. I’m sure there are fancier programs you can buy to do the job. But, Sporkforge is free for us poor indies.
Use caution with find and replace One time I replaced “purse” with “handbag” throughout my entire fourth draft. Let’s just say, my editors and I had a good laugh over “handbagged her lips” instead of “pursed her lips”. Whoopsy!
Marry it, then divorce it You will live with this story every day – you will get into spats and you will comfort each other. No matter how much energy you put into it, you will never be satisfied with the finished product. Never. So put your big boy or girl pants on, sign the divorce papers, and go your separate ways.
Pat yourself on the back You wrote a damn book for crying out loud! Pat yourself real good.

Challenge Accepted: Show us your shelves

“There is no friend as loyal as a book.” – Ernest Hemingway

Oh, Ernest. You were a feisty son of a gun, but you said some mighty things.

So, my rad blogger pal Letizia over at Reading Interrupted posted something super fun last week, a “Show us your shelves” challenge that’s been traipsing around the blogosphere.

I just couldn’t resist unveiling my dusty ass shelves.

Like many of you, most of my current reading is of the ebook variety. Obviously that would be the most anticlimactic picture ever.

Hey, look at my Kindle bookshelf screen, everyone! (And, cue crickets.)

Please excuse the insanely crooked pics. When you live in a shoebox apartment, you literally squeeze your belongings into every nook and cranny. Taking straight pictures when the corner of your desk is jamming you in the arse is impossible.

OK, Britt. Enough with the disclaimers already.

OK…

These classics are so cool, they always accessorize…

You might be wondering if that is a giraffe’s butt in front of the Hitler biography…

Indeed, it is a giraffe’s butt.

Meet Henri, our guardian of the ratty books and keeper of the giant headphones. Originally from France, Henri enjoys reading Ken Follett books, practicing Yoga, and listening to excellent tunes.

You didn’t think there would be a book shot without a cat around here, did you?

Aww…

Alrighty, folks. It’s your turn. Let’s see those dusty ass shelves!

Chicago in 7.5 Hours

That’s a bunch of BS, really. There’s no way to experience this skyscraper wonderland in less than eight hours.

What we commonly call Chicago comes from the Native American Chicagoua, a word often debated as meaning either garlic or onion. (And, you thought you’d never learn anything on this blog. Shame on you.)

Either way, it’s the stinky veggie we all tend to love.

Normally, I’m the non-tourist type. Mr H. and I blend in with the locals, keep a low profile, and leave the fanny packs at home. Kidding, kidding. We do not own fanny packs.

So, last Saturday I gave Chicago in a day the old college try.

My super awesome sister was visiting from North Carolina, and it was her first adventure in the mid-West. We braved the back and forth trip to the city via Amtrak from Milwaukee.

And, we got down with our tourista selves.

In fact, we may have gone a bit overboard with our tourista selves…

Tourist Trap #1 – Navy Pier (The Unapologetic Bastard)

The Navy Pier is one of those places you’ve got to go to once…and, probably only once. This picture was taken first thing in the morning just before the salivating mobs invaded. There may be other things to see there, but I couldn’t tell you. My sister grabbed some goofy souvenirs and we freaking ran.

Tourist Trap #2 – Chicago River Cruise (The Hopeless Romantic)

Ah, the Chicago River cruise. That fleeting adventure I could never embark upon during my previous trips, because the damn river was either frozen or green. You’ll drop a handful of bucks to take an architecture tour, but as you can see from the pictures, it’s lovely. Absolutely lovely.

Tourist Trap #3 – Chicago History Museum (The Kooky Nerd)

The Chicago History Museum is pretty low on the totem pole as far as museum popularity is concerned in the Windy City. I’m more of a history gal, so this was my kind of place. The coolest thing was the L train from 1893, where you can actually go inside, have a seat, and hang out. I took the interactive option a little bit too far throughout the joint as you can see.

Tourist Trap #4 – Millennium Park (The Shiny Exhibitionist)

Millennium Park is Chicago’s very own Central Park. As this was our last stop on our tourist assault, it was refreshing to see both natives and rubberneckers alike kicking back, enjoying the space, and playing with the Cloud Gate sculpture. (I called it the shiny turd. But, that’s just me.)

Britt’s Chicago Summer Tips

Don’t even think about driving. Walk it, cab it, or ride the “L”. All three will likely give you monster bruises, but you’ll keep your sanity.
Don’t assume the crosswalk is a safe haven. That part about not driving in the city also applies to who’s driving…the natives. They will mow your tourist butt down, so move it along.
Don’t look up while you’re walking. Yes, the buildings are incredible and they soar right into the heavens. Just don’t become a permanent member up there when you wander off the curb with a silly grin on your upturned face.
Don’t wear anything that chafes. Midwest summers are humid as hell! Wear something loose that you won’t regret later, if you know what I mean (wink, wink).

How about you guys? Have you ever tried squeezing every damn thing you can think of in one day of travel?

My toes are SO famous right now.

No seriously. My toes are SO famous right now.

My good friend at toemail featured my recent post So you want to take a media vacay – along with my toes…naturally. My toes (and I’m hoping my writing) has rounded up over 60 likes already over at their super fun place.

Score!

This is actually the second time my toes have made an appearance over at toemail. Of course that was way back when nobody knew this little blog even existed. My toes have had a rough life, what with being shoved in pointe shoes during my former dancing years and ridiculous high heels countless other years.

Be sure to stop by and give my toes a “like”!

Also, thank you ALL for participating in the Pick Your Favorite Britt Pic poll. There was a tie between two images, so I tinkered with the lighting a bit to marry the two ideas.

The new profile pic you’ll be seeing all over the damn place is this guy…

Okie dokie, artichokes. Enjoy your Sundays…eat amazing food, get outside, and hug someone neat!