author – Page 11 – Britt Skrabanek

We Surpass the Tough

Life threw me a curveball a little over a week ago, so I bought a last-minute ticket and flew on a crowded plane to be where I needed to be.

I went to a land of dust, where everything looked stranger than I remember. I lived there five years ago, and not much has changed.

Yet, it all seemed drastically different. Because I have changed.

The concrete soaring throughout downtown Dallas was foreign to my eyes. The sky was reflected in the mirrored facades, decorating each building with spongy clouds.

Peculiar enhancements of the city confused me even more.

Bigger and better restaurants had popped up in a land where food reigns supreme. My skinny jeans already felt tighter just being there again.

Eating out is predominately what you do in Dallas, unless you’re into shopping. Then, you can lose your paycheck on any other number of lavish designer offerings.

Forever destined to battle brown in the harsh climate, additional green spaces are now perched here and there, sprinkled with questionable forms of art.

Like this…

When I first landed the city was foggy and grey. Stark buildings were still visible, jutting out into the horizon like perky breasts.

Everything seemed hazy to me. The spontaneity of it all, fueled by an emotional impulse to be with my mom when she received her test results.

Emotional time is an understatement.

This was our second round with breast cancer, but the familiarity of the process wasn’t comforting. Recognizing the tough times lurking in the shadows, ready to charge our lives once more, seemed so scary and unfair.

Five of us showed up at the doctor’s office with my mom and surprised the nursing staff with our sizable support group. We jokingly called ourselves her posse.

Hey, whatever it takes.

Being back here again at this point in my life is different than the time before, almost twelve years ago when I was a lost and confused college kid.

This time I thought…show her how much you love her, do everything you possibly can to give her strength. So, I wrote a tribute to her last week and I showed up on her doorstep.

That was all I could do. So I gave it my all.

There was an exquisite outpouring of kindness from many of you readers out there. Thank you.

Several of you are part of my blogging family and it seems like we go through a lot together in this thing called life. Many of you have been through similar experiences, and either supported a loved one or even lost one.

And though this is a personal time for me, I felt compelled to not only write a piece for my mom, but to share the results with you all as well.

We received the best news we possibly could have. She has Stage 1A.

There is still a long road to travel, but my mom is beautifully brave. For the time being the haze has lifted and those blue skies are a welcoming sight.

My mom will totally kick cancer’s ass once again. I just know it.

This one’s for you, Mom

I’m sitting here in my robe with puffy eyes and a heavy heart. I have to go to work soon, though I’m not sure how I’ll pull it off.

So, I pick up my laptop and unleash these words. To say all of the things I’m never good at saying aloud, those I certainly couldn’t begin to say last night.

Mom, you know more than anyone that I’m not much of a speaker. But, I’ve been known to write a thing or two.

I remember the dedication in my second book quite clearly in this moment. Between the special thanks and table of contents of Everything’s Not Bigger, it sits in bold letters:

FOR MY MOTHER

She smiled bravely and kicked cancer’s ass.

When the phone rang last night, I just knew. You never call on weeknights, you call on the weekends, always bright and early as you like to do.

I sat down slowly. I covered my face. I began to cry even though I was trying to stay strong for you.

And just like that, after all those years…it’s back again.

I couldn’t fall asleep. I stared at the dark ceiling with my eyes open, drying my stinging tears every so often with the edge of the sheet and trying not to scream.

I knew I had to turn my energy around for you. To bring some light into the darkness, because that is what we do when we have the courage to love fully.

We surpass the tough with beauty and happiness.

I thought about my favorite picture of all time. This one of beautiful you with the sassy shades and the flamingos.

I thought about the good times, Mom.

Here are just a few that came to mind right before I fell into a dreamless sleep.

The way you used to comb my hair as soon as I came out of the shower. We talked about nothing and everything and it was so very perfect.
The way you often said “to hell with cooking!” and we’d order a big pizza and watch old movies all night.
The way you’d talk me into playing hooky from college, so we could go to lunch and a museum.
The way you always had a secret stash of chocolate handy for those drama days of mine.
The way you obsessively loved your dogs. Because at the end of the day, pets will always be there for us when we need it most.
The way you lived for books. They were everywhere: the living room, the dining room, the bathroom, the bedroom, the hallway, the kitchen, the backseat of the car, the garage.
The way you taught me that it was good to be strong, but even more good to be soft.
The way you bought me a big ass stuffed animal cow (who everyone on this blog knows as Ken Follett the cow), when I was much too old for it.
The way you hugged me closely on the hospital bed the last time you were sick, comforting me for something I was going through when I should have been comforting you.
The way you were brave enough to make a joke last night when you shared the news and said: “I’ll keep you abreast of the situation.” That was beyond amazing.

Mom, there are a million more lovely things like these…I could go on forever.

You are the most magical woman I have ever known. Hands down, I would not be the person I am today without your generous love and encouragement.

Please know that you are very much loved.

You are loved, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved.

YOU ARE LOVED.

For those of you reading this, I kindly ask that you put some positive vibes out there for my mom. She needs them very much right now. With all of my heart, thank you.

How to Survive the Effing Winter

I can’t take credit for this amazing pic as it was flying around the social media world.

It sums up most of our feelings in the Northern Hemisphere during this (fingers crossed) last hurrah of winter, and inspired me to write a sassy post on survival tactics.

This is not a post about rainbows and unicorns. It’s not about my usual good vibes and “Go Life!” mentality.

This is real man, and it might get ugly.

Some of you live in places where there is no winter. I remember, I used to live there, too. Foolishly happy in a land boasting sunshine, leaves, and a welcoming breeze.

Run, save yourselves!!!

This post is for the rest of us. Those stuck in the “cold, gray, bucket of suck” in the worst of all wintry months…DUN-DUN-DUN…February.

By the end of this fateful month last year, I was teetering on clinically insane when I wrote Winter, you can kiss my pasty ass.

I’ve arrived a little earlier this year. Perhaps because this winter was less than desirable.

Sunshine? What is this you speak of? No grey and gloom? I don’t believe you…just go, man. Just go.

Leaves? I only see crypt keeper looking branches covered in – you guessed it – freaking snow. They point and laugh at me when I bust my ass on the icy sidewalk and land in a greasy, muddy pile of slush.

Welcoming breeze? For the first time in life, I’ve battled snotcicles. Funny, I thought I was being cute creating this word and urbandictionary.com beat me to it.

Does this sound pretty…

…nope, it doesn’t.

Okay, okay. You catch my snowdrift. (Sorry, it was right there.)

So, how do we survive these final days of dreariness and desperation? Hell, if I know.

But, here are some tips I came up with to share with you all.

Listen to Latin Music I can’t explain it, but it works like a champ. Spicy food, warm beaches, and strong drinks with those bright umbrellas are comforting visuals. Plus, a little rump shaking will help keep you warm. One of my faves is Argentinian singer Federico Aubele, who blends several genres brilliantly and takes you somewhere far, far away.
Eat and Drink Warmth Trade the salads in for soups and healthy comfort foods. I know it’s tempting to get ahead of ourselves with the promise of spring on the horizon and go for the cold, but don’t. You’ll be shivering…again. I recently came across a yummy warm drink that has been a lifesaver. It’s a lemony ginger tonic courtesy of the always wonderful Laura Plumb from Food: A Love Story. You can grab the rockin’ recipe here.
Lose Yourself In Creativity The past few years I made the mistake of working on novels straight through summer. Never again will I hole up when I should be frolicking. Whether you’re exploring your own creative mind or somebody else’s through books, films, etc., take advantage of the somber mood to go deep inside your mind and gain inspiration.
Oil Up, Tin Man Cracked lips, bloody noses, and itchy legs sound familiar? It’s dry as hell, so oil up. One of my saviors has been an Ayurvedic health routine called Abhyanga, where you warm up sesame oil, optionally mix in essential oils for scent, and massage yourself from head to toe. It’s AMAZING! Also, coconut oil is great all around. To fight off those pesky snotcicles, give your nose some love by dabbing a little coconut oil and tea tree oil up there before you head out the door.
Move Your Buns Motivation is hard to drum up…I get it. But, any sort of activity will help keep you energized and less cuckoo. If anything, amp up your workout rather than abandoning it. Yoga practice, for example, should be heated and moving to not only make sure the bod is ready for postures, but also to revive your lethargic ass.

Alright, snow bunnies…your turn. How do you survive the effing winter?

(Next week on a physical perspective, we will return to our regularly scheduled POSITIVE programming. Promise.)

Writing. It’s glamorous.

Sometimes writers think of the perfect dialogue for that intense moment. Sometimes we scribble it down quickly and leave it lying around. Sometimes our spouse picks up the post-it and wonders where it all went wrong.

Just a little writing funny to share with you guys. I’ve been pretty aloof lately, a crazed woman with questionable hair holed up in the editing cave.

Mr. H is a trooper, watching me cautiously from afar.

Each day I’m drowning in stacks of paper and piles of cats, rubbing red pen off my hands, laughing at ridiculous typos, talking to myself…WAY too much, and trying to fight off bursting into tears for no reason at all.

Oh yeah…what the heck is with the English language?

I stared at the word “first” for a good fifteen minutes one day last week. I even checked merriam-webster.com. I’m still suspicious, but I guess I’ll go with it.

Our apartment is dirty, and littered with maniacal post-its. But, I’m almost ready to hand off this book of mine to another set of eyes.

Don’t worry. We will survive, as will the cats.

Writing. It’s glamorous.

Any psycho writer stories you’d like to share below? Go for it! I could use the moral support right now.

Intention to love in the new year

Here we are again. That time when we reflect on all that has happened and wonder what comes next.

For many of us, myself included, the coming of the new year carries some anxiety along with it. Did I live 2013 to its fullest? Will life be less awesome, as awesome, or more awesome in 2014?

The thing is, as long as we love we are living life to its fullest and life will be awesome. The rest of it – goals, money, things – they are radically insignificant.

Have dreams and do your best to soar, but don’t forget what’s right here on the ground. The family you don’t get to see enough, the spouse you are lucky to wake up next to, the friends you can share a ridiculous laugh or a magnificent cry with.

In 2014, I have a few bullet points I’d like to hit.

Publish my third book.
Get another stamp on my passport.
Continue a healthy life, including more meditation and Yoga.
Keep my closet clean.
Stop trying to do everything at once.

None of these are my resolutions. They are simply things I will work on throughout the year. Some will come easily, some will take a lot of work, and nobody will offer me a big, chintzy award for doing any of them.

Rather than a smattering of resolutions this year, I’d like to make a sankalpa instead.

A whaty-what?

Sankalpa is a Sanskrit word meaning “will, purpose, or determination”. While resolutions often channel a reprimanding energy toward ourselves – drink less, exercise more, (you get my drift) – a sankalpa is a positive intention.

When I look at my bullet points up there, I see that they are not particularly self-loathing, but I know I’ve made some tough love resolutions in the past. And, I’m sure many of you out there are struggling with the same right now.

So, I say…to hell with the tough love!

Let’s set a sankalpa together to love more. Your family, your spouse, your friends, and don’t forget yourself while you’re at it.

If we love more the rest of it becomes a little easier, the unattainable becomes attainable.

I always wonder what the world would be like if we all had the same intention, to focus more on love. I don’t know. It could be very awesome.

I would like to ask all of you to join me in this sankalpa to bring in the new year.

Chime in with some love in the comment section below. It can be anything you want, in any language you want: a famous quote, your unfamous quote, a list of people you love, a way that you can show your love more.

Thank you all for your beautiful support in 2013. You’re all lovely. Happy New Year.