The Urge to Dance

Once upon a time I called myself a dancer. I danced my whole life until the end of last year when quite suddenly…I stopped.

No more teaching, no more leotards, no more performances. Just like that.

Such a monumental transition in my life was very hard for me to swallow, and most of 2013 was spent figuring out who I was beyond the dancer. When you’ve been doing something for over twenty years, it has a way of becoming a part of you.

I wrote I Found Some Change, which some of you may remember, when it all happened.

Recently Mr. H was out of town and I had this crazy urge to dance.

It was dark, the cats were asleep, and uncharacteristically I feltΒ  lonely. So I threw on jeans and a tank top, some music, and filmed this in one shot.

It wasn’t about choreography or perfection, it was simply about moving.

Mr. H threw in some nifty video effects after he saw it. So even though we were apart when it started, we came together to create something in the end.

The video is silent, due to music rights mumbo jumbo that I didn’t want to mess with on YouTube. But I realized that the silence itself was beautiful, because when I move everything becomes still and quiet. The music, even the sound of my own breath.

This project taught me that entirely letting go of something isn’t always the right thing to do. The dancer is still inside and I’m OK with it being right there.

39 thoughts on “The Urge to Dance

  1. That’s so awesome, both the movements and the fact that you found the desire to suddenly dance again. Thank you for sharing what I’m sure was quite personal. Loved it!

  2. Dancing is such a great way to celebrate life so I’m happy to hear you had that urge to dance! I love the silence too. If I could dance like that, I don’t think I’d ever stop.

    1. Absolutely. I got really stuck in dancing officially in the studio, performing, etc. for many years and I lost some of the joy along the way. Feels good to rediscover it in an unofficial sense. Thanks for your sweetness.

      1. I know what that’s like! I worked as a reporter for too long and lost a lot of the joy for writing during that time because it felt like factory writing. It’s great to rediscover the joy again!

        1. Totally. I went through a writing dry spell during college from all of those hefty papers I had to write. Later I worked for a non-profit and they thought I would be the best grant writer ever…boring. Sucked the life/joy right out of me. It’s smart to keep the things we love so much separate from obligations.

    1. Exactly. Though, besides teaching, I didn’t get paid much. But even in performing, with the goal of entertaining an audience in mind, the original love for dancing can get shoved off to the side. Thank you, Alarna!

  3. Thanks for the link to I Found Some Change; helped me to understand how you could still be so supple and graceful after a year away from dance πŸ™‚ Very effective silent video.

  4. Stunning, absolutely mesmerizing. I really do like it without the music. Captures your spirit in a simple yet powerful way. Glad you still have your groove. πŸ™‚

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