I Found Some Change

parking meter

Photo by Rachelle Dale

We lose change all the time: between the car seat and the console, next to a tattered gum wrapper; underneath the worn couch cushion, next to a congregation of pet hair and crumbs; upon the cracked sidewalk, next to a discarded cigarette stained with lipstick.

It’s an elusive being, almost obsolete in this age of plastic money. Yet, it’s still poignant enough for us to need it in our high tech, modern lives.

But we trudge on, forgetting that we ever lost it, and settle into this billing cycle. The days turn into nights, the nights turn into days – time passes like currency, switching from hand to hand, traveling far and wide.

You know something needs to give, but your mind clings onto every last cent of stubborn greed. Even though you would think this mind would be wealthy, rich even, alas it is penniless – it is broke.

In a way I was like the change, rolling and rolling until I hit a wall and was forced to stop. 

A month ago, at the beginning of 2013 to be exact, my life became unexpectedly different.

Officially, I am no longer a dance teacher, and no longer a dancer. Gone are my days of barres, mirrors, leotards, and constant perfectionism. Truth be told, I never had the enviable turn out, the prized high arches, or the skin and bones physique.

Without going into a lengthy conversation, let’s just say my direction was intercepted by change. I’ve been a dancer for 23 years, a dance instructor for 10 of those.

And, call it the end of an era if you want, but maybe it’s more simple than that…I found some change.

Being a dancer often comes with a strange responsibility, where others view you as that – and only that. Perhaps it is the beauty of movement which makes people respond this way, but there was always this image associated with me and I often felt stuck in it.

A few years ago, Yoga nestled into my life quite purposefully, and brought so much healthy wealth to my life that I even decided to pursue my teaching certification this year.

After all, teaching is my heart.

Yoga teaches us to accept who we are just as we are, rather than forcing us to be something we’re not…to move exactly like someone else– and in the dancing world of costumes, hair, and make-up – to even look exactly like someone else.

If you’re not skinny enough, get skinnier. If your leg doesn’t go that high, get it higher.

And, it is that nourishment of the uniqueness I craved so deeply which finally settled what I owed myself. It slowly moved me away from the way I had always moved, as a dancer.

Truthfully my catchy little tagline – writer. dancer. life enthusiast – has been staring me in the face for several months now, perhaps since its inception. Now that I am moving on from that lifelong part of me, it doesn’t make sense to identify myself in the same way.

attitude

Writer. Yes, I am that.

Dancer. Yes, I once was that.

Life enthusiast. Yes, I will always be that.

I don’t know if I found change or if it found me. Either way I am truly humbled by this profound pirouette in my life.

I stand here with my pockets turned inside out – empty, but open and full of grace – and ready to be filled with change.

I’ll start with this…writer. yogi. life enthusiast.

The buck stops here.

35 thoughts on “I Found Some Change

  1. Forever Bound Art says:

    sweety, once a dancer, always a dancer. You can never walk away from grace. YOU are grace, you dance through life bringing life to others. Us teachers,us writers, us dancers – their are many of us. You can be it all in spirit and mind. The dance will always be within you. Your friend, Laurie

    • Runoffwriter says:

      I thought the same. Definition of a dancer is very different when you’re in the dancing world as opposed to out of it, where a body can gain some perspective…and know that “dancer” is one of those concepts far greater than the word that holds it.

      • Britt Skrabanek says:

        Oh, man! That was gorgeously put.

        I’m glad you had similar feelings, doll. It makes me feel better about putting this out there.

        I felt a little odd speaking out, and may have alienated myself from quite a few people in my life by expressing these frustrations, but I had to say it. Come what may.

      • Runoffwriter says:

        I know what you mean. I only danced myself briefly but still have friends in the Irish dance world and much of the same problems are rife there.

        As long as you are strong enough to handle the consequences (and I believe you are), then by all means, put the truth out there. Think of how many jingling pockets there would be if everyone did the same;)

    • Britt Skrabanek says:

      Ha, I know!

      I will forever be a dancer, just not “officially” anymore. If anything I find myself dancing more now in my free time – doing dishes, walking to work, etc – because I’m not dancing in a structured manner.

      I kind of feel like a bright-eyed girl again! : )

  2. findingmycreature says:

    This was such a beautiful post to read and so beautifully put! There is beauty in the present day moment and choosing to see that as things change around you is a wonderful thing! I look forward to reading more about where this journey of being a writer-yogi-life enthusiast takes you 🙂 Anushka

  3. Janna G. Noelle says:

    There’s something very profound about this idea of “finding” change rather than viewing it as something forced upon one or that one is otherwise forced to do. It makes it seem that change is already out there, already full-formed, just waiting for one to grasp it.

  4. TheBlackTwig says:

    Congratulations on this change! You can be of any profession but I’m glad that you are still a writer and a life enthusiast. 🙂
    I always want to start doing yoga.

  5. Chris Edgar says:

    It sounds like you’ve shifted your focus from how you’re being perceived, which was your emphasis when you were dancing, to how you actually feel, which seems to be where your attention is when you’re doing yoga. I know that kind of shift in perspective has definitely been healthy for me as well.

  6. Britt Skrabanek says:

    Thank you. And, I think we’re all dancers inside.

    You’re going to love Yoga! There are so many different styles, so it’s kind of wishy washy of me to say but….try a bunch of different types. More than anything you want to find a teacher you connect with, and start with the basics first. Yoga is not something you want to dive head first into. : )

  7. Jessica Korteman says:

    I loved this post! Dancing takes strength, discipline and heart, and that you will take with you regardless of your official profession. It takes strength of character to dive right into change and not to fear it but to know whatever comes your way, you are ready to face it. I know you’ll make this new phase in your life just, if not more, amazing than the last. Keep on sharing with us!

    • Britt Skrabanek says:

      Thanks, Jess! Dancing will certainly always be a part of me…the learned lessons and ridiculous posture shall remain indefinitely.

      Thank you for everything you said. You’re such a sweetie!

  8. 4amWriter says:

    What a beautifully written post, Britt. I loved this so much, and I can certainly relate. Although I have learned that we never fully give up or lose our passions, they simply reside in a smaller space in our hearts and souls. Dancing is still a part of you, probably, but it means different things to you now. All of it good. 🙂

    • Britt Skrabanek says:

      Why, thank you, love! I totally agree with you on our passions relocating to a smaller space. My creativity has been stretched thin over the past few years, torn between dance and writing.

      Now I feel like I can focus on my words. But, I will always be the first one out on a dance floor.

  9. JodetteP says:

    This post is so emotional 🙂 Not only do i respect your ability to embrace change, I also admire your passion and love for both dance and words! Believe it or not, ballet and writing are, too, where my heart lies! Stay strong, Britt! Dance will never leave you! Looking forward to see where this new phase of life takes you! 🙂

    • Britt Skrabanek says:

      Yes, it was exhausting, but liberating, to write.

      I know dance will never truly leave, but I am happy to have it be a less intense part of my life now, something to be enjoyed when the mood strikes. A solid tune will forever move me.

      Thanks for your sweetness!

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