Life – Page 13 – Britt Skrabanek

On Being Humble and Reworking an Entire Book

writing with cats — Dang! Mom’s ignoring us again for that white contraption we’re not allowed to sleep on. We’re so much cuter…what gives?

Writing a book isn’t easy. It’s a commitment unlike any I’ve ever known.

You need a creative idea, a decent handle on language, and time management skills to actually write the thing. Because it ain’t gonna write itself.

You’re showing vulnerability to the world, because every piece of fiction is the author’s soul in written form. You’re putting bits and pieces of your life out there—your weaknesses, your past, your intimacies.

Some will understand what your soul is saying, some won’t.

Every day you wonder whether or not you should keep going.

Am I contributing anything to society? Do I really want to spend Sunday cooped up in my pajamas madly typing away while my cats beg for my attention? Does any of this matter? Is it really worth the sacrifice?

Yes, it is. Because while others dream of writing, you’re doing it.

Writing’s not all rainbows and unicorns…believe me. It takes dedication and love. It also means being humble, knowing that you are always learning and that nothing will ever be perfect.

For some time now I’ve wanted to revisit a work I published two years ago, Everything’s Not Bigger. Of the three books I’ve written, it’s the only one set in modern-day and it’s also my underdog.

Ask any actor, director, writer, dancer, or painter if they return to an old piece of work and most of them will say…Hell, no! That work, for better or worse, is dead to them.

So, I did the crazy thing. I went back—naturally, I cringed a lot—and after a major overhaul, I feel much better about my work.

I did some little things, like revising the description, cleaning up the chapter layout, and adding a Note From the Author at the beginning to touch on the inspiration for the book.

Major things involved a faster-paced beginning as well as chucking some scenes that were dragging. My characters were in dire need of body language during some of the heavy conversational moments, aka “beats”. After two years of blogging and a third novel, you can bet I did some grammatical polishing along the way.

And, my best typo I found must be shared…face to face was fact to face. Dude, WTF? 🙂

Today Everything’s Not Bigger is officially being rereleased on Amazon.

For those who already purchased it, you should be able to go to “Manage Your Content and Devices” (formerly “Manage Your Kindle”) and choose “Update Available” next to the book.

I know my good friend, Tim Dittmer, covered some Amazon issues with updated content when he rereleased his fantastic novel, The Valley Walker. (P.S. If you haven’t read this yet, it’s only $0.99 right now and totally worth your time.)

If the available update is not showing up for you, you might have to delete the damn thing and redownload it.

That brings me to my next piece of news…Everything’s Not Bigger will be totally free on Amazon next weekend…12/5-12/7. (Don’t worry, I’ll remind you then.)

As a writer and the insane human that I am, I know that I will never feel completely satisfied with anything I do. But remembering to stay humble, to give new life to something you left long ago, can be a beautiful thing.

I’ll leave you with a snippet from Everything’s Not Bigger. This is the non-date scene, when the main character, Jaye, agrees to go on a walk with a handsome fellow she just met in Prague. The non-date rules include no food, no candlelight, and no flirting.

Naturally, these non-date rules don’t last long.

He covered her eyes with his hands, but she wiggled out of his embrace. “What are you doing, Milan?”

“It’s part of the surprise.”

Jaye returned to her position and he replaced his hands.

“A little warning next time would be nice, Milan. Otherwise you come off as a kidnapper.”

He guided her forward with his chest, and she fought off the surge of lust charging through her body. His warmth electrified her like nothing else. She was acutely aware of every inch of him through their thick coats.

“How much longer are we doing this charade?”

“A few more steps, princess.”

His mild insult made her smile. Coming from him, she didn’t mind. It was all in good fun.

“I’m going to uncover your eyes, but you can’t open them yet.”

“Yes, sir.”

Milan rustled around in his coat pocket, then stepped in front of her. Her back instantly felt cold.

She perked up at the familiar sound of a wrapper.

“Open your mouth.”

Jaye thought the bit was peculiar, but did as he instructed. She smelled it before it landed on her tongue. Chocolate.

“You can open your eyes now.”

The chocolate melted on her hot tongue, its decadence gracing her taste buds. Luminosity reflected in her eyes as they lifted open.

It was a breathtaking sight.

They stood in between a far-reaching row of crystal shops. Bohemian glass competed with the moonlight, shining ferociously, instilling awe and brilliance in the antique windows. Jaye chewed the bittersweet morsel, sea salt sprinkled dark chocolate encompassing a creamy caramel.

It was the most incredible treat she’d ever tasted. It was the most incredible sight she’d ever seen.

Exquisiteness for all senses occurred effortlessly, leaving her overwhelmed and speechless. She roamed in a daze, in a chocolate trance, seduced by the sparkling display of beauty.

“This is what you wanted to show me?”

“Just think—you tried to stop me.”

Jaye turned around and cocked her head. She hadn’t wanted to surrender to him. Too many untrusting encounters had left a cold soul, a skeptical fortress dominating each pleasurable experience.

“Hey, thanks.” She reached her leg out and tapped his shin with her boot.

He mirrored the gesture. “Hey, you’re welcome.”

Meditations in the Cold

My first fall in the Northwest has been a breathtaking sight.

The city has been overthrown by nature, its busy streets hushed by crisp colorful blankets of leaves from the army of trees commanding every block.

People wade through the crunchy mounds, smiling even on their way to work, thinking about crashing into one of the many piles just as they did when they were young and free from responsibility.

But, unlike the intense autumn I knew in the Midwest, all of this happens slowly here.

Each leaf flutters down from its branch with purpose, almost as if the leaf is taking its time to decide exactly where it wants to land. Whenever I spot one of these leaf performances, I stop and watch until it finishes its dance. Then, I smile and proceed.

To walk inside any of Portland’s forested communities, one can’t help but escape from the concrete, buildings, and congestion only minutes away.

Adding autumn and a Japanese garden into the mix enhances this magical experience.

Last Saturday Mr. H and I went to the Portland Japanese Gardens in the late afternoon. It was our first visit to the gardens and we hoped to catch some impeccable fall scenery.

Many of the trees were already bare and at first we felt disappointed that we had missed the best part of the season.

But as we walked, we slipped into a meditation, and silently absorbed the transition of the garden from the liveliness of fall to the solitude of winter.

Too often we lock ourselves inside when the cold takes over. We don’t know what to do, we feel anxious or sad, perhaps we’re already dreaming of spring.

But, we’re missing it.

This is a time of turning inward…to reflect on life, to explore the mind. It’s not a time of laziness, it’s a time to strengthen our spirits.

When we step outside, we can take a cue from nature. Things change—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly—and we should not only adapt, we should be a part of the beauty around us.

So what? It’s cold…take a walk.

Leaf Intoxication

In the spirit of Oregon becoming the third state to legalize marijuana this past week, I had to come up with a punchy title. Last Tuesday night the sound of whoops, whistles, hell yeah’s, and even some fireworks could be heard around Portland.

Being that Oregon was the first state to decriminalize marijuana way back in 1973, it’s no wonder people were celebrating.

But this post isn’t about that kind of leaf intoxication, it’s about what happens when rain and leaves create art together.

For the first time in many days, the rain stopped. Though the sun couldn’t quite break through, endless grey skies were light and cheerful. The fresh air smelled clean and crisp as fallen leaves began to dry a little.

Outside of my window something shiny caught my eye on the patio. When I saw what it was, I was mesmerized.

I grabbed my phone to snap some amateur photography and I had to share these beauties with you guys.

P.S. No filters or effects were used.

1. Up Close and Personal

2. Benched

3. Lovebirds

4. Lean On Me

5. Diversified

6. Laid Out

Aren’t these bitchin’? Which leaf pic is your fave?

Learning to Love That Thing I Hated

I was always that “I only run if I’m being chased” girl. But a couple of months ago, I changed that.

Over the summer this voice in my head—one of many—told me to start running. And, quite frankly, I laughed at it.

Now you all know me as being a very active person, so the hard feelings toward running may surprise you.

As a kid I played sports, did everything I could outdoors, then danced the rest of my life. Six years ago I traded my car for a bicycle for commuting to work. Though I stopped dancing, I became a regular Yoga practitioner with a ridiculous love for hiking.

On one of those beautiful summer Portland hikes in Forest Park, my crazy ass took off running.

Even crazier…it wasn’t so bad. In fact, I was having a blast.

Mr. H has been a runner for a few years now. First and foremost, he advised me to not get all 150% Britt with running, to take things slow and steady so I didn’t kill myself. He also recommended that I read Born to Run by Christopher McDougall.

This part really spoke to me…

“You had to love running, or you wouldn’t live to love anything else. And like everything else we love—everything we sentimentally call our ‘passions’ and ‘desires’—it’s really an encoded ancestral necessity. We were born to run; we were born because we run.”

When it comes to exercising, I’ve always been into the organic way the body moves. Combining that with nature is one of the most exhilarating moments I have known. Which is why my running focus has been on a trail rather than a treadmill.

Trail running has come very naturally to me. I’ve been running once a week since the beginning of September and each week it’s become a bit easier. I’m doing somewhere around two miles, but on technical trails with plenty of asshole hills along the way.

Running commands our full attention, with no room to think about the usual to-do list that often plagues our busy minds. The one time I wasn’t truly present on the trail last month—you guessed it—I ate shit.

Fortunately, I had a cat nurse to help me out. Unfortunately, I earned a new nickname by Mr. H after the June pothole bicycling accident and now this.

Hi, my name is Crash.

As I learn to love the thing I hated forever, I’m learning so much about myself along the way. When I used to try to run, I didn’t like it when it got too tough so I’d stop and give up. Now I embrace the tough, I keep going.

I’m just starting out with this new adventure. I don’t know much, I don’t wear any fancy running gear, and I’m not fast.

It’s not about goals, like beating my best time or training for a marathon one day.

It’s about running free among the trees. It’s about breathing and being. It’s about finding love when things get hard.

What about you guys…anything you hated that you’re learning to love?

Secret Single Behavior (SSB)

Today we celebrate Hermit Day. (Don’t worry, I didn’t have a damn clue there was such a thing either.)

But my friend Eli over at Coach Daddy, who is clearly cooler than I am for knowing about this random holiday, told me all about it. For the second time he invited me to participate in his monthly 6 Words challenge, a fun project where he asks friends and strangers to dish out a cute little sentence based on a prompt of his choosing.

Now we writers love, love, love to elaborate on a topic for hundreds, sometimes thousands of words—meaning six words is kinda cruel. But it’s also a fun challenge so of course I agreed to do it.

The prompt…October 29th is Hermit Day, how would you spend an ideal day all to yourself, in six words?

Over eighty of us played along this time…wowza! (Be sure to stop by Eli’s to check them all out.)

Obviously writing and reading is something I do most of the time when I’m in hermit mode. Those books don’t write themselves.

But Eli caught me at a time when I was feeling rather mysterious, during my blogging and social media hiatus in September. Naturally, I gave a coy response.

I’m hanging somewhere in the middle at #39 with the following…

Secret single behavior, I’ll never tell.

For those who aren’t diehard Sex and the City fans like I am, there’s a really fantastic episode where Carrie Bradshaw discusses Secret Single Behavior (SSB).

This is the thing you often do when you’re all alone. It’s top-secret because it’s probably so weird that you don’t even want your own spouse to know about it.

Well, Mr. H and I are going on almost a decade of marriage so we don’t keep secrets from one another. Although he knows about my SSB’s, I perform these odd habits as they are intended to be performed. Totally alone.

Eli thought my Hermit Day response about SSB was intriguing and figured that my readers would too.

So, embarrassing as it is, I’m going to reveal one of my SSB’s on one condition—each of YOU needs to reveal an SSB in the comment section below.

Obviously this blog is a public place and while I’m all for a healthy sexual appetite, let’s keep it clean, people. The more random, the better.

As promised, here is one of my typical SSB’s…

Dancer's Pose Natarajasana — Aphrodite the cat says: “Ah, crap. Hausfrau’s back.”

MEET HAUSFRAU

Some years ago Hausfrau was a brilliant term coined by Mr. H when he kept walking in on me at the end of my SSB ritual of cleaning the holy shit out of our apartment.

There’s dance music blasting, a bright bandana on my head, dusty stretchy pants, and a mad look in my eyes. The cats stay far, far away from me, usually in a dark corner of the closet praying I don’t vacuum their furry butts.

When I clean, I get down. I get totally focused on a cleaning project and I don’t stop until it’s done. I don’t answer the phone, in fact I don’t even think about the outside world.

If I’m stressed or anxious, sure I meditate, practice Yoga, or hit the trails. But sometimes you just have to clean the hell out of an inanimate object to feel on top of the world. It works like a champ every time.

For those of you who are still following this blog after my SSB reveal, I have one more thing to add. Earlier this year I completed one of the greatest accomplishments in Hausfrau history.

I organized and cleaned my bobby pin container.

Well, folks. I shared one of my SSB’s…your turn!