stockholm streets

We’re Still Our Favorite People

I heard the most beautifully resolute sentence the other night. A man was talking to me and Mr. H about his wife, and he said: “We’re still our favorite people.”

I loved this. It stuck to my heart like emotional glue.

The next day a different man shared his upcoming ten-year anniversary plans with us. He was surprising his wife (and mother of three) with a getaway. That trip wasn’t to the usual romantic destination you might expect, on some white sand beach or big city with reservation-only restaurants. It was Oklahoma City, where they got married.

I loved this too. It stuck to my heart like emotional glue.

I guess I was moved by how much both of these men loved their wives. And, how very real it was. When people have been married for a long time, there is a different level of life experience.

making faces together

This experience shows in the tears that surface as they talk about their husband or wife when they’re not around. It lives in their smile wrinkles and forehead lines, born from sharing financial stress and inside jokes together over the years. You can hear it too…in the way they say each other’s names. Somehow, it’s different than the way anybody else says them.

The love is there, but they don’t speak openly about it. Because they don’t have to anymore.

I used to say “we’re a good team” when I talked about being married. After you make it past the five-year mark you’re allowed to say silly, sentimental things like that. After the 10-year milestone happened for me and Mr. H, I realized that teamwork isn’t quite it.

couples having fun

Marriage is a partnership. That may seem plain or pragmatic, but there’s really no other way to describe it.

Disagreements will happen for any married couple, no matter how strong the relationship is. Sometimes they are substantial, like an identity crisis that shakes up a comfortable evening or jealousy that flares up from deep-rooted passion.

Or, the disagreement is wildly insignificant but necessary, like: Why am I the one always taking out the trash? I don’t remember signing up for this shit. Was it in fine print in the marriage contract? How did this happen?

If anyone has seen The Break-Up before, there is a really great domestic spat scene where—not for the first time—she’s pissed that he won’t do the dishes. She says: “I want you to want to do the dishes.” He says: “Why would I want to do the dishes?”

Point taken. And, Mr. H and I quote this part of the movie all the time.

train writing

So, yeah. Disagreements will happen.

Still, there is this unspoken agreement that binds you to one another. No, that agreement isn’t the marriage contract that was signed long ago, collecting dust in some cardboard file box in the closet. It’s that special energy that draws two people together for a long hug after a hard day, instead of away from each other to be alone in different rooms.

It’s an agreement that says: I’m here for you and none of this other bullshit matters.

kissing in copenhagen

Seems so rare when I meet other couples that embody this caliber of love. And I can’t help but latch onto these moments. Especially when these moments are so well-timed, holding up a mirror to our own lives that we must stop and look into.

Mr. H and I are celebrating lucky number 13 this week. I can still say that after all of these years through:

  • Our Vegas wedding when a drunken minister married us as “Ugh” and “Whitney.”
  • Two cross-country moves with two screaming cats.
  • My grandmother’s funeral in Texas.
  • Both of our mothers’ breast cancer recoveries.
  • Both of our fathers’ heart attacks recoveries.
  • That Saturday night when I thought I was going to lose you in the emergency room.
  • Incoming grey hairs (you call them beauty streaks, which I love so much).
  • My questionable cooking and weird smoothies that you eat and drink anyway.
  • Running a business together for over a year without killing each other.
  • Credit card debt, student loans, absurd hospital bills, and other financial fuckery.
  • Accidentally drinking water in Cuba, with one bathroom then a long plane ride home.
  • Construction right outside our apartment at 7am, sometimes 6:30am.
  • Snoring (you)—drooling, punching, kicking, screaming, sleepwalking / running (all me).
  • And, cleaning up cat puke on a weekly basis.

…we’re still our favorite people.

37 thoughts on “We’re Still Our Favorite People”

  1. How nice to see a post from you, Britt, and such a lovely one too. Happy Anniversary to you both. I’m so inspired by what you’ve built together.

    Marriage is definitely a partnership, and at the end of the day, if you’re still each other’s best friend, that’s a big win.

  2. Nicely written Britt, and I’m pleased for you guys. I think – despite what you say about other couples – it’s a pretty rare thing. Many marriages fail, or are held together somehow with sticky tape. Certainly I have no wish or aptitude for that deep and true love. So treasure what you have.

  5. Britt, loved your blog. You and Mr. H are an amazing, inspiring couple. Happy anniversary.

  6. You 2 are some of my favorite people.
    The way you are to each other, the way you look at each other, the way you work together, the way you talk about your couple and your adventures. It is something I find extraordinary and love to look up to (no pressure! 😉

    Congratulations on the lucky 13! and wishing you the very best always.
    you guys know how to make it happen and you’re doing it fabulously! So much so that it’s become you.
    Inspired I am, every time.
    Thanks for the smiles, thanks for the beauty of you 2 together.

    Enjoy it all! Be awesome!
    xoxoxo
    Jul’

  10. There are no words that can detail a marriage completely, but being favorite people is a wonderful turn of phrase. By now, you’ve been through enough ish that when the other ish comes along, you’ll just have that satisfying moment of “We made it through ____, we’ve got this!” It’s a beautiful thing, and one y’all clearly do not take for granted ❤ Wishing you so much continued happiness!

    1. I agree, Joey. When I heard the “favorite people” thing, I thought that was SO spot on and wonderful. Mind you, the person that said it is a great friend / artist / wine shop owner we know well. He says many brilliant things, in general.

      Haha, love all the “ish”…so true! Thank you, honey. Wishing you both continued happiness as well! xo

  12. Congrats! from someone who’s been hanging with her favorite person since 1989. That list of romantic details just keeps getting longer. Cheers to the next 39! Or even more multiples of 13….

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