I think many of us mean well when we start a new year.
Whether you’re into that whole goal/resolution/intention setting thing or not, when we turn our calendars and write the wrong damn year on everything for at least a month, we know that it’s a different time. And that in itself can move us to change.
I’ve written some sort of beginning of the year declaration on this blog the past few years, but for 2017 I didn’t. I typically set a sankalpa, or positive intention for the year…
2014 – To Love More
2015 – To Simply Enjoy
2016 – To Live Consciously
Before you dive too deep into my ulterior motive for not writing anything, I actually wasn’t in the “let’s move on from 2016” camp. It was one of my most trying years of adulting, which included being laid off and almost losing my dad.
No matter what happens that is in our control our outside of it, I’m a firm believer in accepting life’s curve balls with a bit of grace. I say “a bit,” because I do my best but it’s not always graceful.
I really loved this blog from my girl Zen, who wrote in Defense of 2016…
“Every day in 2016, someone got married, had their first kiss, gave birth, overcame cancer, reunited with their best friend, landed a new job, explored the world, stepped down from the brink of suicide, celebrated a birthday or an anniversary, saved a life, won the lottery, laughed till they cried, wrote a book, graduated… for every bad thing that happened, something equally good happened. In the midst of all the chaos, why not celebrate our small victories?”
Pep Talks with the Voices in Your Head
I did set an intention for 2017 though. It was this…To Have Less Goals
So, that’s why I didn’t write this post at a more relevant time, like closer to the turn of the year. I’m writing this on a Wednesday, January 18, at the butt crack of dawn. Because that was when I was able to get to it without forcing anything.
And that might seem like no big deal to some of you. But it’s downright poignant for me, because I let go for once.
I gave myself a pep talk and said: Don’t sweat it. Just now, while writing this post and starting to feel anxious about starting my work day, I said: You’re doing so good.
We all have voices in our heads, don’t we? Funny, how they can be a missed opportunity when all we need is a pep talk.
Meaningful Goals vs. Lots of Goals
I shared this Harvard Business Review article, Don’t Set Too Many Goals for Yourself, at the end of the year. It spoke to me, because well…I’m too goal-oriented.
It’s the reason I didn’t sign up for the Goodreads reading challenge this year. The challenge did what I needed it to do initially, which was read more and track my progress.
Years later it morphed into this strange, unforeseen form of competition in an already competitive world. A competition with myself, with reading—something that usually brings me more peace than anything.
Oooh, dang. So close, Britt! But, you didn’t reach your annual reading goal…AGAIN.
I mean…come on!
Anyway, while goals are really great for a lot of people, for me I tread the choppy waters of doing too much and not enjoying life enough. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set goals, because you should. But those goals should be meaningful.
“In order to accomplish our most meaningful goals, we need to fight back against two dangerous impulses: hewing too closely to a fixed plan and attempting to do too much at once.” – Dorie Clark
The HBR article warned of the dangers of busyness, of the unimportant victories we claim when crossing off tasks on our to-do lists. Instead the recommendation was to focus on bigger goals, no more than two for each 6-month period.
Maybe you’re trying to finish a book—maybe it’s your fourth or your first. That can be one of your big six-month goals, because let’s face it…finishing a novel ain’t easy. And like me, you are probably working on this book in your precious free time.
So then, you can ask yourself: Does this other thing I’m spending time on help me finish my book? Or, does it keep me from finishing it?
You might have one of those “well, I’ll be damned” moments. Because you investigated and found something, an oversight you’d missed before.
Making Tough Choices to Stay Focused
Asking yourself if something you’re doing voluntarily is keeping you from your big goal isn’t always a fun question to answer. A lot of times, you won’t even want to ask it.
With the book example, I’ve had to investigate my blogging and social media efforts. While there is a correlation—because it’s marketing and branding, which do matter when publishing a novel—until I finish my book during this 6-month period, I’m easing off the gas pedal.
I had to set some parameters (not goals) to stay focused, one of which is only blogging once each month. And, that’s the max.
I felt so much relief when I made this decision, because blogging has a way of haunting you as a writer if you’re not careful. What should I write about next? Hell, when am I going to write it? The cycle can be pretty vicious, as many of you know.
So, setting those meaningful goals can be a truly grounding experience. And the effort is pretty minimal for the reward.
“In art and dream may you proceed with abandon. In life may you proceed with balance and stealth.” – Patti Smith
It’s true that as we get older, time appears like it’s moving faster. I remember the occasional adult saying things like “enjoy it now” and “it’s all downhill from here” with a sing-song voice that always made me cringe a little as a kid. At the time, I didn’t understand why they said those things that way.
But I know now. And while it’s easy to fall into that crotchety reasoning that time magically moves faster as we age, it’s really just us that keeps moving faster.
So, don’t sweat it. You’re doing so good.
Slow down, hug it out with your hopes, dreams, and wishes, and aim for the life you want to live.
What are your thoughts on goal-setting? Like it, don’t like…somewhere in between?
43 thoughts on “Why Having Less Goals is Working for Me”
Totally Britt.I think you’ve reached the point I reached a few years ago. I’m pretty much living the life I want, and my wishes don’t amount to much. I’ve stripped away most complications and don’t stress stuff. As for 2017, heading into my mid-sixties I’m determined to have a good running year, see what I can achieve.
Awesome, Roy! Though I don’t think I’ve quite hit your wise stride yet, but I am definitely trying not to sweat it so much and live the life I want.
Yeah, I’ve seen you hitting the running hard. Personally, I’m making a move to get back into the yoga teaching saddle again. It’s been almost three years—and I’m a bit terrified to stand in front of a class again—but I miss it! 😉
Thank you for the mention, Britt! 🙂
Like you, I didn’t meet my reading goal. I stressed so much about it in those last couple of months of 2016, but in the end I was just… to hell with it. It’s not making reading any fun. I’ll just read at my own pace from now on.
I found that the more goals I have, the less I am likely to achieve ANY of them. I have very few goals this year, but all of them are for my own personal benefit. I will finish a novel. And I will travel to a new country. Simple and straight-forward.
Good luck with everything this year, Britt!
Haha, glad I’m not the only one who gets stressed out by those reading goals! I was pretty stressed too, and then I thought the same thing…to hell with it. I’m not going to lock myself in New Year’s weekend just to power through a stack of books I should be enjoying.
Excited to read your next book, love! I still think about Puppet Parade. Such a unique and beautiful story!
Excellent Excellent, excellent post. It was well worth the wait, Britt.
Awww…thanks, Dannie! So many “excellent” compliments—not sure what to do with that, but smile big. 🙂
Magical pictures Britt. I’m glad that you’re finding the right way for you and that it’s hopefully bringing you some peace. My default is to set goals, plan, write lists – I love the optimism of it but was never quite so good at following through! I’m much more relaxed now and find my way of working with the seasons helps, so I don’t have to have any goals at this point of the year at all, spring is the time for action 🙂
Yeah, it’s crazy how setting too many goals we can’t finish will leave us feeling confused…and perhaps a bit like we failed. I bite off more than I can chew on my to-do lists, then I feel overwhelmed. Good to simplify and focus on what is most important!
Love that you work with the seasons! I have my own version of that—specifically that I try not to be in editing mode during the summer. I love creating then though!
I don’t think I’m much of a conscious goal-setter, mainly because I know my issue tends to be following through with them. I’m much more of the resolution/intention type and many things I do are usually led by my intuition and instincts. That being said, this can often lead to me making excuses for NOT doing things because I didn’t feel ready or because I was too scared. This year, I’ve actually set a few concrete goals for myself because sometimes you just have to do things even when you’re not ready. Thanks for the food for thought and hope you are having a good year so far! 🙂
Well said, hon! Follow-through is tricky…sometimes we are setting unrealistic goals and other times it is fear that comes into play. I always find travel helps me sort through these situations—or if I can’t do that, I go out into nature and step away from the madness to gain perspective.
Agreed that it’s good to go after things even when we don’t feel ready! If your heart is telling you to go for it…you should. If you fail, who cares? 😉
Believe it or not, but I kept coming back and re-reading this article multiple times during the past days and weeks. Probably trying to figure out some sort of direction for this year myself. 🙂
Slowing down sounds like the way to go and every once in a while “disconnect to reconnect” and sometimes rather trying to keep pace with our mind than with the things around us…
Oh, and happy new year Britt! May life embrace you and may you embrace those moments of magic, happiness and meaning…
That’s so neat! I’m glad the post was helpful for you. I feel like I’m always trying to sort things out myself, so it’s good to hear there are kindred spirits out there going through the same thing.
Slowing down in today’s world is usually what we need. It’s rare that any of us should move faster or “do more.” Hope your 2017 is going splendidly, Oliver! 🙂
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYAllncyDZ4 I am not much of a goal setter anymore, and I try to avoid to do lists (though Letizia’s comment on an “I did” list is great). Sometimes this means I waft about and seem to do absolutely nothing, though somehow the nothing of sitting on the sofa and staring at the garden can actually be something immensely wonderful. So, if I have a goal it’s to slow down and make every moment last as long as possible. 🙂
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