This Place is “Hideous”

Vista House in the Columbia River Gorge
Vista House in the Columbia River Gorge (aka The Looker)

As soon as we passed the Oregon border after our three-day jaunt across the country, cats in tow, our jaws dropped open. The final hours of our drive were alarmingly beautiful.

We kept oohing and aahing over every damn thing.

  • Look at the colorful train across the amazing river! Wow!
  • Look at the incredible rams chillin’ on the hillside! Bitchin’!
  • Look at the snowy Cascades way the hell over there! Cool!
  • Look at how freaking gorgeous everything is! Neato!

So being the smart asses that we are, we said enough with all of the goofy, pretty talk. To change it up, we now joke about how ugly everything is.

(To avoid this sick humor being lost in translation, I will bold and italicize all sarcastic adjectives going forward.)

Vista House Married Couple Selfies

Last Sunday we took a repellent scenic drive near the Columbia River with Multnomah Falls as the endpoint. The bridges were blah, the hills were drab, and there were revolting waterfalls everywhere.

And bonus, all of this vile nature is a short 30-minute drive from the city for us.

Eventually our road game shouting “Waterfall!” every time we spotted one fizzled out. After the tenth unsightly waterfall, we no longer acknowledged their sleazy presence.

They are disgusting after all.

You can easily spend an entire day on this offensive road, stopping at perverse waterfalls and hiking your ass off. Even though we were like kids in a candy shop, we reined in our enthusiasm and chose to stop at two.

As you can see here, the Latourell Falls are absolutely foul. But, I’m into those legs.

Mr. H’s Legs and Latourell Falls

Two adventurers were frolicking around the top of the yucky waterfall. They’re a little hard to see, but they’re up there being batshit crazy.

Hikers on top of Latourell Falls
Hikers on top of Latourell Falls

Being the party poopers we are, we stayed safely on dry land. We meandered along the homely road, passing one grody waterfall after another.

We arrived at Multnomah Falls and joined the masses to marvel at this nauseating sight.

Multnomah Falls
(I have no idea who this family is, but I thought they were as cute as can be.) Multnomah Falls

After we fetched our chai tea lattes and fresh chocolate fudge from the little hut in front of the falls, we hopped in the car and headed home.

Overall, our day was very plain and uninspiring.

And, while we’re at it…these two really gross me out!

Aphrodite and Hazel Doing Their Usual
Aphrodite and Hazel Doing Their Usual

 Your turn! What’s the most “hideous” place you’ve ever been to?

35 thoughts on “This Place is “Hideous”

  1. All I can say is that I love Oregon. I can’t wait until we can move back. Probably Bend … The falls are beautiful. Don’t miss Crater Lake. It’s the worst.

  2. I haven’t been to Oregon and can tell that I’d ‘hate’ it already. It reminds me of Alaska, where I lived for too short a time. Such ‘godforsaken’ scenery. ‘Depressing.’

  3. Hahah – thanks for sharing your hideousness! All that green and water can get a bit disgusting after a while. I’m happy to see the cats in recovery mode after that trip!

    1. but I heard it’s one of the most beautiful places in the US. On my bucketlist while I’m living here.

      1. Haha! Glad everybody got into the sarcastic spirit! I’m sure there are many, many scenic posts to come, so I want to keep things fresh.

        Oregon is one of the most exquisite places I’ve ever seen.

      1. LOL right? Gah, I hate moving. This last time (and boy, it better be the last time!) we had movers, which was great. We were able to paint before the furniture arrived, and when the furniture came, I had a good idea of where to put things. But this house was dirty, which extended my moving-in chores quite a bit, and it was eight days before everything had a place. I’ve moved 7 times in the last 15 years. I really never want to move again. EVER.
        (Not even for gorgeous scenery! 😛 )

        1. 7 times…wowza! I don’t blame you for wanting to stay put.

          We were fortunate to move into a brand new building, a unit never inhabited previously. A luxury after the old apartment we moved into back in Milwaukee, believe me! There’s nothing worse than scrubbing down a place you just moved into. I feel you on that.

          1. It was a first for me, that’s for sure. Bathrooms were spotless. Every cabinet and closet was foul.
            I say the military days are over, no reason to move. They shall only take me from this house feet first, and not before I re-paint and re-door the closets! Hehe!

  4. I’m so turned off right now. I can’t believe I was eating my breakfast while looking at those disgusted photos. What a wretched place that is. Excuse me while I go vomit.

Speak your beautiful mind

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.