Me and My Shadow

shadow

Hey, Shadow.

Hey, Britt. What’s going on with you?

Eh, nothing. Ok, everything.

Emotional tug-of-war time again?

Yes, Shadow.

Why the struggle?

You ask a lot of questions, Shadow.

Hey, you haven’t spoken to me in a while. Got the feeling you wanted me to help you out.

No, you’re right. Sorry, sometimes you just get too close and it bothers me.

Britt, I’m your shadow.

Oh, right. Well, for a while now – the past four months or so – I’ve been trying to run away from myself. From you, too.

Ah geez, not that again. Britt, you know you can’t do that.

I know. But, sometimes it seems like being somewhere else – a new place, a new life – will be what I need. The happiness will be right there waiting for me.

That’s because you’re a gypsy. The gypsy yearns to roam because she fears that settling isn’t living. But there’s something pretty effing beautiful about rooting, Britt.

I’ve been thinking about that.

You’re you, dragging my shadowy ass behind you. No matter where you are, no matter what you do. We’re right there, through thick and thin.

That’s why I’ve decided to stay this time.

Really? No escapism for Britt Skrabanek?

Shadow, don’t be absurd. I’ll always have fiction.

Naturally. But otherwise, you’re gonna keep on keepin’ on?

Yeah.

I’m proud of you. Shocked as hell, but proud.

Thanks, Shadow. I’ve tried on a lot of different lives, traipsed across these United States searching for myself – for a place to fit in, for a place to call home.

Ha! You…fit in somewhere?

Delusional, I know.

Sounds like you don’t give a shit about that anymore.

I don’t. Because I’m kind of serene. Right here in this tiny city of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, U.S.A. I know where the potholes are in the streets, I have a favorite tree, and when the seasons change I feel alive.

You sure that’s grand enough for you, Britt?

Shadow, I’ve lived in grander cities before. Turns out, I’m not a grandiose kind of girl.

So, you’re cool right here?

Yes. Right here with my day job in my colorless cubicle. Right here teaching Yoga and seeing peace for the first time. Right here writing with all of my soul, exposing my vulnerability and being OK with that.

I’m happy for you, Britt. You’re home.

I like the way that sounds…I’m home.

Good, I was tired of chasing your crazy ass.

Damn, Shadow. Tell me how you really feel.

You know I don’t hold back with you.

You’re alright, Shadow. You’re alright.

So are you, Britt.

Hey, Shadow?

Yes, Britt?

Thanks for listening.

Any time. I’m always here when you need me.

20 thoughts on “Me and My Shadow

  1. Carrie Rubin says:

    Your conversations with your Shadow are similar to my conversations with my Mr. Nasty Pants, though instead of restlessness, he taunts me and fills me with self-doubt about my writing. He hasn’t visited for a while, but I suspect he’ll reappear soon now that I’m in the querying phase for my current WIP.

    Glad you’re projecting peace to your Shadow. Life is so much smoother when we can find that.

    • Britt Skrabanek says:

      Lol! Mr. Nasty Pants…that’s amazing.

      I get plenty of self-doubt with writing as well, courtesy of Shadow’s restless habits. Should I really be a writer? Couldn’t I be doing something else with my teeny bit of spare time? Then, after pacing and pondering…and pacing and pondering some more…I park it and write my ass off.

      Channeling the energy seems to be where it’s at in this whole life thing.

  2. Shakti Ghosal says:

    Hi Britt,

    You know what jumped out at me from the post. That as we hanker for change we have a choice. We can physically move and change our surroundings. Or we can stay put and allow time, tide and the seasons to usher in the change.

    So which one would I choose? I need to figure out.

    Loved the post.

    Shakti

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