The Accidental Spirit Quest

 

Wyoming
Wyoming

It was 3am and my eyes flew wide open. The silence echoed vivaciously through my empty apartment. I extended my toes over to the right, touched my husband’s warm ankle and found the brief comfort I craved.

The additional two hours of sleep I so badly needed for our journey that day were unreachable, so I surrendered to my restlessness.

Ungracefully I slid off the air mattress, tiptoed across the creaking floors, and turned on our crappy little coffeemaker. The cats rubbed my legs with uncertainty, and though I did my best to soothe them, they were not fooled by my rickety affection.

For the last time I drank a cup of coffee by my favorite window with the beautiful tree, one that I had seen touched by all four seasons for a handful of years. I sat in that bright orange camping chair and scanned the barren room, my eyes full of wonder and trepidation.

So much life had happened there. We laughed, we cried, we loved, we feared.

This place where we had lived for five years had become a ghost, its white walls exuding melancholy, scarred by the furniture that once rested against them.

After Mr. H took the two panic-stricken cats down to the truck, I had to be brave and say goodbye to our teeny home. I turned off the light in the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom and finally, the hallway. I locked the door and took one last look at the faded bronze apartment number.

I slipped the envelope with our keys into the manager’s mail slot and walked out the back door…forever.

uhaul iowa

Then, it hit me. We were homeless.

Mr. H, Aphrodite and Hazel, Ken Follett the cow, and I were about to drive for 32 freaking hours hauling a trailer. Everything we cherished was being thrust into the unknown, into the elements for three epic days.

And, it wasn’t exactly a piece of cake.

We had memorable weather on that first never-ending day. Snow and rain turned into endless grey skies and fierce 40 mph wind gusts. Golden flat fields lined the highway offering an eternity of boredom.

Nebraska
Nebraska

How we wished for that boredom once we arrived in the Nebraska Panhandle. We had three more hours to go, drawing close to midnight, and we took one more pit stop at a gas station.

It was pitch black and we were exhausted. But, this wasn’t the place to spend the night.

Above the gas station entrance, there was a sign: YOU ARE NOWHERE.

A man with long, filthy fingernails took my cash for my grape Gatorade, then called one of his goons on his crusty cell phone. I stood there, debating over whether or not my 87 cents was really worth it.

He was on something. Scratch that…a lot of things.

Eventually I got my change and we hightailed it out of there.

Soon after the tweaker gas station in Nowhere, Mr. H narrowly avoided a family of deer. Now I truly understand where that “deer in the headlights” expression comes from. I made direct eye contact with the mother as we missed her by a hair.

Though shaky we trucked on, visions of the hotel bed in Wyoming dancing through our fatigued minds, encouraging us to man up and continue.

Then, of course, the blizzard came. It was the worst snow you can imagine, the kind that blows right towards you and creates a psychedelic tunnel.

We were alone on a swerving road on some sort of wintry acid trip, our little home clutched in the hands of Nowhere. Sleeping on the side of the road wasn’t an option. Even in the darkness a generous drop-off was visible.

Those last hours, listening to the squeaking windshield wipers in the front and the grueling cat chorus in the back, were slow torture.

Every mile marker that came up lifted our spirits, little by little. And finally, we made it to the damn hotel in Wyoming.

Thankfully, the next two days were not as dramatic. We had sunshine and awe-inspiring nature to console us the rest of the way.

Oregon
Oregon

Naturally, the cats never settled into our movable home.

Aphrodite managed to cut her pink nose, because she kept pressing her face against the door of the carrier while crying out in deafening protest. Even outside of the truck I heard their incessant meows and wondered if I had completely lost it.

When we made it to Oregon, her lush green landscapes looked nothing short of heaven to us. And, I took a necessary moment to laugh at myself.

I had repeated one of those classic human mistakes. I was so focused on the move, the before and after, that I forgot about the middle.

As a writer, I should seriously slap myself around for this.

Though the first and last chapters are important to every story, the pages in between are crucial. That is where the reader is fully immersed, enraptured by the thoughts, feelings, and happenings of the fabricated world.

The idea that life is a journey and not a destination has been spouted off by many people, from Henry David Thoreau to Aerosmith.

When they thought up that brilliance, I bet they were hauling all of their shit across the country with pets.

Oregon
Oregon

 

 

 

New Life, New Blog Theme

IMG_4209

I know, I know. I’m supposed to be packing up my life for the big cross-country move to Portland at the end of the week.

But last night, whilst enjoying one of my last Midwest beers, I came down with a case of the makeovers. The blog makeover.

I tried on many different themes like I was at a boot blowout sale. There were some contenders, but one finally fit just right. Comfy, but sassy.

The social media icons were more of an ordeal, like trying on a bathing suit after an unforgiving winter…pasty buns and all. What started madly last night came to a peaceful conclusion this morning when I discovered some cheerful, stitched buttons that I could be friends with.

So I would like to present to you…my foxy new look! Take a gander and let me know what you think.

Alright, damnit. Back to packaging tape, bubble wrap, and more boxes!

The Last of Every Little Thing

Milwaukee Art Museum
Milwaukee Art Museum

Tomorrow is my last day of work. This day, above probably anything else, is the finale of my life here. In this sweet little city of Milwaukee.

Although this is my third cross-country move, I’ll tell you something. It doesn’t make it any easier.

Excitement for a daring adventure veers sharply into bittersweet. Every place, every face, every little thing that I’ve known for the past handful of years molds reluctantly into a memory…the lasts.

The last time I will walk the familiar route to work, turning up my music to cover the traffic noise and glancing quickly down that one alley to avoid being run over by a delivery truck.

The last time I will smile at the security guard at work who says “Good Morning” in his sing-song voice like he’s part of a Barbershop Quartet. Maybe he is on the side. I don’t even know his name.

The last time I will buy a small latte from Carmen at the corner cafe. She’s always smiling, because she’s one of those rare people who enjoys her job and her life.

The last time I will walk the endless hallways of my office, passing people I know and will never see again, and those I don’t know and will never know.

The last time I will swipe my badge at an entrance before I surrender it forever. Even with that silly picture on it, I will miss it. It was the one accessory I always had to wear, my identification with a place I spent more time in than I did at home.

Each day has been filled with lasts. With amazing friends and family in some of our most beloved places in the city.

Nearly five years ago I moved to Milwaukee without ever having seen it before. What I will remember most about coming here was how lost I was at the time.

And through that confusion, I found myself.

I began teaching dance again, then later, through a life-changing emotional and physical test, I obtained my Yoga certification. And finally, after hiding from it all of those years, I had the courage to become a writer.

Even though I was a foreigner in a strange land, I always felt welcomed by the community here. That comfort allowed me to return to who I wanted to be at my core.

There are a few more days of lasts to endure, and they will be the most trying of them all as we say goodbye to those closest to our hearts.

But, the firsts will be coming very soon. And though they cannot replace the lasts, they will open our eyes to different experiences.

We will grow, we will love, and we will live through it all.

The West Coast Girl Finds Her Way

keepsakes

A little over a year ago, I started to get an undeniable West Coast itch.

I visited a dear friend of mine in San Diego for a long weekend. I hadn’t been back to California in many years.

After I landed we had lunch and Bloody Mary’s right on the beach, where the smell of salty fish greeted my nose like a long, lost friend. Then it was off to a different beach, a stunner at that.

It’s nearly impossible for me to explain what happens when one approaches the Pacific Ocean, but damnit I’ll try.

We parked the car on a residential street on top of a hill. I stepped out of the car, plucked my bathing suit out of my crack, then I stopped and stared.

There it was. Glistening in the distance, purposely drawing me into its majesty.

The sight left me speechless. So speechless that my friends thought I was insanely jet-lagged, when really I was just awestruck.

I hovered in a meditative state. My toes wiggled around the warm surface of the sand and my fingers dug deeper to feel the cool layer hiding beneath.

It was home. And after that day, it stayed with me forever.

But, this isn’t about finding my way back to California. This is about a finding a new way, a very different West Coast locale. One where neither of us has ever lived, one where neither of us has any family.

A place that is green inside and out. A place that is kooky with drool-worthy food. A place that’s got something casually awesome about it.

Portland, Oregon. 

At the end of next week Mr H. and I and our two pissed off cats will be traipsing across the country on a 30-hour drive.

Why? Because it was absolutely the right time for us to do it.

We visited Portland several years ago, and we have never been to any place in the world more beautiful.

Yes, it rains…a lot. But that rain brings a magical brightness to everything it touches, turning the world every exquisite shade of green imaginable.

Uprooting our lives can be seen as something to fear, a perilous force writhing with anxiety, stress, and discomfort.

The lengthy drive with two cats will be the ninth circle of Hell. The cozy routine will vanish from our lives. The faces and places we have come to know intimately will fade. The unknown will be downright scary at times.

Yet, we are choosing to embrace this turbulent change for the sake of growth and inspiration. All of the new—the land, the culture, the people—will only feed our creativity and make us stronger.

Besides, my home is wherever my husband is. And together, we can do anything.

When I am me, I am free

Stunning Irish photographer Meticulous Mick and I have come together to provide this little number for you.

I first heard of his collaborative spirit when my lovely blogger pal Sheila Hurst teamed up with MM to create Pavement and Paint.

It’s not hard to be inspired by his ridiculously beautiful photos, so he sent me a couple of photos to work with. While they were both absolutely breathtaking, I found “Faded Colour” irresistible.

I thought of this boat as a breathing person, a woman neither young nor old, with doubts and desires. My mind went into a frenzy and I scribbled for a few minutes to create this random something.

I’m not a poet, so call it what you like.

Be sure to get your butt over to Meticulous Mick’s collaborations page if you want to team up.

Faded Colour by Meticulous Mick (aka John Grant)
Faded Colour by Meticulous Mick (aka John Grant)

WHEN I AM ME, I AM FREE

I could be smooth and new like them

Gliding along the sea in some infinite breeze

Without feelings, without pain

Like porcelain dolls never fazed by the rain

But, I am me

Weathered, chipped, and a little faded

I’m not expensive or high-maintenance

I’m a bargain with my colorful simplicity

Because I have traveled

Across the vastness of life

I remain lovely and bright

Sailing through the dark and the light

My generosity has carried so many souls

And they have guided me in the right direction

I have known life in all of its exquisite ways

Beneath me in the water, above me in the sky, inside of my earthly body

All of it made me real and alive

They made me beautiful

These journeys across the endless sea

When I am me, I am free