I didn’t choose a life outside the daily grind. It chose me when I got laid off a month ago.
It’s crazy to think how much has changed since the day I received that detrimental news. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore and I questioned myself until I felt like I was looking at a stranger in the mirror.
Like an earthquake, my world shifted violently. Then the shaking stopped. Like someone just flipped a switch.
With the stillness came a clarity that surprised me. I decided the layoff wasn’t the end of the world. It was the beginning of a new one…a beautiful world.
I’ve become an outsider. Literally.
Back in my retail days, I used to love having the wacky schedule—screwing off when everyone else was singing the Monday Blues. It almost feels like you’re playing hooky when you’re a 9-5 outsider. The forest trails are empty, and so is your favorite cafe. The quiet seems so special and fragile, and you seize every opportunity to enjoy it.
In a way I was damn lucky to discover this unexpected freedom as summer is taking its rightful place. Had I lost my job in the damp, dreary winter, I imagine this sense of joie de vivre would be harder to find.
Truth be told, being inside an office all the time (no matter how cool they try to make it with afternoon beers and indoor basketball) doesn’t suit me.
It works for some people, so I’m not knocking it. But I prefer to change up my location, to be free. And it’s funny how being a part of the daily grind doesn’t really allow that kind of behavior.
Even the hip companies with “flexible” arrangements question you when you’re coming and going. You can be kicking ass, but still they wonder whether or not you’re really working hard enough when you take a walk outside to breathe for a minute.
I always want to be outside—it doesn’t matter where. The grimy nature of the city, with its concrete mountains and electric stars, inspires me with its energy. The pretty nature of the woods gets me too.
All this newfound awareness comes with its own hazards though. Yesterday I stopped on the trail to marvel at the gorgeous, bell-shaped flowers below. I didn’t realize they were poisonous when I was inhaling them and (she smacks her forehead) petting their sinister petals.
I found out when I was looking them up to properly name the image for this blog post. They’re called foxgloves. As lovely as they seem, they contain a bouquet of chemicals that affect the heart.
Don’t worry, I survived. It’s just another part of being an outsider—learning to navigate the perils of these exotic circumstances of my new life.
I’ve been unleashed, and despite the run-in with toxic flowers, it feels pretty amazing. As a writer, I couldn’t ask for better inspiration. I’m observing everything in a different light and it’s a lot like being born again.
Each morning I sit on my patio and listen to the birds, starting a new day of unknown possibilities with my trusty laptop, which is habitually covered in cat hair. At work I used to listen to ambient music with nature sounds to calm me down. Now I feel so privileged to savor the real deal.
The birds sing loud and clear, because there is less to compete with—less to fear.
I’ve been really connecting with birds lately. As an outsider of the daily grind, I feel like one of them. No, I’m not pretending to fly and breaking a leg in the process, or chirping in front of my neighbor’s window. I’m not that crazy…yet.
But there is less to compete with and less to fear, so each day I’m soaring in my own way.
I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch
He said to me, “you must not ask for so much”
And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door
She cried to me, “hey, why not ask for more?”
Oh, like a bird on the wire
Like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free– Leonard Cohen, Bird on the Wire
Britt Skrabanek 
Glad to hear you are figuring it out and finding yourself 🙂 I experienced a lay off a few years back, which lasted 6 months. I formed my own routine and enjoyed the break from the daily grind too. I am like you in that it happened during the Summer months – might have been a whole difference experience in the Winter months. Wishing You the Best – Journey On & Explore 🙂 Happy Day – Enjoy!
Yeah, I don’t think a layoff in the winter would be quite as fun. There’s something to be said about the sunshine bringing that sense of hope with it, right?
Glad you’re back in the groove, even if you’re consorting with poisonous plants. Can’t wait to see how your future unfolds! Cheers!
Thanks, Jilanne! The poisonous plants are just another part of this adventure. Trying to see what I’m really made of and whatnot. 😉
I love that you are now listening to the birds and nature in real time rather than on your headphones in the office. That, in itself, is a gift. I am not teaching this summer and I love working to my own schedule (although there are days where I have to remind myself to be disciplined and actually get some work done, “what, I’m not ten years old and I don’t have the whole summer off??”).
Listening to real birds and nature is certainly a gift. It’s such a gorgeous time to be able to spend more of it outside. I’ve been taking my laptop outside as much as possible. I need to clean my laptop though, because I’m starting to see more sap, bug, and plant bits on it.
I know. I want to be ten again! Life was so dang good. xo
We should all be ten again as often as we can… Race you to the top of the tree, Britt!!!!
Sorry about the lay-off, Britt. It’s a tough thing to go through, but it sounds like you’re handling it like a champ. I laughed out loud about the foxglove incident. I probably would have done the same thing because I can’t resist pretty things in nature. You know, like snakes. 😉
Being a freelancer/self-employed and working my own schedule allows me that freedom you talk about. But I find it stressful in the sense that I have to find my own work. If I’m not constantly talking about my business in some way, I could be missing an opportunity. I guess there are high and low points no matter what kind of job you do. Good luck–I know everything will work out for you!
Thank you, sweet Kate! I’m starting to get into a groove with this freelancing thing. It was definitely crazy last month, with lots of self-discovery happening over a very short period of time.
Yes, I’m trying to be careful about how much I take on, because hunting for new opportunities is a very big part of it. But, I’m really enjoying finding my own way, learning new skills, and being able to help small businesses. Very rewarding thus far!
Those foxgloves are mighty enticing, I must say. 😉
We’re kindred spirits these days. I didn’t lose my job, but did discover that on the days I work from home I can get wifi pretty far into my backyard. So I’m out there nearly every day now. And even on the days when I do go into the office, I head home, take a walk and then relax on the deck. I’ve never been so tan! 🙂
Nice! I’m all about the patio writing currently. It makes all the difference when I don’t want to feel all cooped up. I’m tan too! I’m like…I swear, I’m working and not just laying out reading all day. 😉
The more I age, the more I prefer to sit with the birds Britt. The more I realise I must follow my passions and set myself free. Enjoy the summer, the outdoors and being free.