Thursday Night

cat stars

Something interesting happens on Thursday nights. I’m usually wiped out from the workweek, ready for the weekend.

But the self-doubt never fails. I ask myself…how in the hell will I be me again?

You know what I’m talking about, right?

That little bit of sacred time when you get to do whatever you want. Whatever that may be.

No deadlines. No meetings. No schedules.

And, cue panic.

The panic to live. To try to get everything done in a couple of days—the laundry, the grocery store, the exercise, the relaxing, the creativity, the lovemaking.

Thursday nights always happen the same way for me. I’m tired and moody, but after a couple of necessary beers and some laughs, I unlock myself. I remember what it’s like to be me again.

We never talk about Thursdays. We talk about Monday blues and Friday fun.

I don’t know why, but on Thursdays, a couple of hours before I go to bed, I become me again. Thinking about things that mean something, looking at my husband like I haven’t seen him in ages, realizing how damn beautiful he is.

A couple of months ago I started a new job and I remember thinking on a Thursday night—how am I going to keep up with it all? My marriage, my cats, my apartment, my family, my friends, my Yoga, my running, my blog, my novels, my “me”.

That night I wrote the opening scene to my next novel. Crazy as that sounds, after three books and no fame, I’m going to write another.

Because I have to. Because I can’t help myself. Because this is me.

This novel will be a departure from the historical fiction novelista many of you know me to be.

I’ve decided to go forward, just a little, to a time just beyond now when we haven’t learned from the mistakes of history, when we’ve become a world where the people in charge (the government, the dictator, the tyrant) forbid love.

Because love is the one thing THEY can’t control. And the funny thing is, if we all just loved more…the world could be so much better, perhaps peaceful even.

Hell, wouldn’t that be something?

The working title for my next novel is Virasana. It’s a Sanskrit word for one of the few Yoga poses I just cannot do, but an amazing one nonetheless.

For those who practice Yoga, you’ll smile at my choice. The English translation is pretty awesome.

The main character is a reluctant heroine with the power to command nature at her will—something she doesn’t understand, something she learns is her greatest power.

In the opening scene the main character is on the edge of a cliff, alone in a familiar place where her and her man used to be together, side by side. Everything is fragrant and green, the newness that comes with spring.

I can’t make any promises on a release timeframe, because I have very little time to write.

I haven’t touched this since I first wrote it that Thursday night, but I’ve looked at it many times and knew that it was right. I don’t have time to continue with it right now, but I hope to soon.

For some reason this particular Thursday night I decided it was time to share it.

This is what I have so far…

I got so used to you sitting beside me.
It was all a routine…like breakfast.
But you were better than breakfast. You nourished me like nothing else.
For a good while there—um—I guess I felt full. Maybe even stuffed.
Can you believe that?
Me.
Stuffed on love, on you.
Well, not anymore.
I’m always hungry for you.
Actually, I’m starving.
But, hey. You’re not here anymore, are you?
Come on.
Pretty please.
Say something, release me.
Really?
You’ve got nothing?
Alright, fine. So, where was I?
Oh, yeah. You’re not here anymore, are you?
No.
The grass and the dandelions have reclaimed your space. My tears have watered them, helped them grow. My lips have made them tender and alive.
How in the hell did I do that? I’m so dead.
No.
That would be too easy.
Under the earth where nobody can see me.
I’m dried out, alone.
Above the earth where everyone can see me. Everyone.
Yes.
That’s more like it. That’s hard.
Real hard.
Hey—um—I have a question for you.
Yeah, you. You’re the only one I know that can answer it, so listen up.
What’s this excuse for a world without you by my side?
Come on.
Pretty please.
Say something, release me.

34 thoughts on “Thursday Night

  1. I love this and can relate to every word:

    A couple of months ago I started a new job and I remember thinking on a Thursday night—how am I going to keep up with it all? My marriage, my cats, my apartment, my family, my friends, my Yoga, my running, my blog, my novels, my “me”.

    I’m so happy you are writing a new book!!

    1. Thanks, Pamela! Yeah, I think a lot of us can relate to that feeling. I’m excited about the idea and also, since it’s not historical fiction, I can take a break from researching and just write. 🙂

    1. Woot, woot! Thanks, honey. That was the first time I summed up the idea, so I’m glad it translated. It’s the very beginning of something, but I’m not completely sure what yet. Always love to share bits and pieces of “the process” with you guys.

    1. I know! I won’t let myself get too involved until I finish my reedits on Beneath the Satin Gloves. (Remind me never to revisit my old works again…LOL.) Definitely ready to get started on the new! 🙂

  2. Writing without fame– words from almost every writer. The more you write the more you are known and I must say you have what it takes. I’m somewhat like you in that I write because I have to. I have no more Thursday’s but it doesn’t make the process about life any easier.

    The plots for your next book is a winner! Can;’t wait to read.

    1. Aw, thanks so much, Dannie! I really appreciate that. Sometimes it seems tough to keep going, but then inspiration comes and sure enough, I’m onto the next project.

      Excited about this one! I don’t have to research clothing and gadgets and lingo this time. Yay! (Even though I like doing that nerdy history research too.)

  3. Creating something new is always so exciting! Far too often do I have to stop myself from diving off into a brand new story so I can finish my current projects. Few things feel as invigorating as putting down those fresh, brand new words of a new story.

    1. It is! It’s been too long. I’ve had two ideas I’ve been thinking about, but one took place in the 1920s and I’m not ready to dive back into the historical research just yet.

      It’s easy to get distracted by the shiny new ideas, for sure! Thanks so much for the reblog, Chris. Hope your daddy stuff is going well. 🙂

    1. Haha! Around here the full name for Tuesday is “Tuesday Boozeday”, so I completely understand.

      By Thursday I have a mixture of feelings. The one you mentioned…woohoo! Then the whole, okay let’s milk this weekend for all it’s worth.

  4. Beautiful Britt, nicely written. And it’s great just to be able to write as and when the time is write. If you were very famous (you are quite famous) you wouldn’t have that luxury. Looking forward to reading your new creation down the line.

    1. Thanks, Mr. McCarthy! Agreed on the fame. I say that word with a wrinkled nose and a sarcastic tone, as I don’t wish for it. I’ll take writing my own way and sharing it with my good people any day. 🙂

  5. Great post Britt! That’s a gorgeous photo of you and the cat. Thursdays have always been one of my favourite days, for the reason you say – it’s nearly the time to be me again. But I can also relate to the panic of fitting everything in – for the last few weekends I’ve been fighting with myself each morning about whether to lie in or to get up – I want to take the time for a relaxing lie in, but worry about the time I’m wasting! Oooh and a new novel to look forward to – the first scene is great – very intriguing 🙂

    1. Thanks, honey! Took our selfie in bed on Thursday night.

      I have the same exact feelings about sleeping in too! Yesterday I got up and started editing first thing, but today I let myself sleep in a bit. What worked for me in the past, which I’m trying to get into again, is a busy Saturday so that my Sunday can be slower.

      New novel likely won’t be making its debut until next year, but…yay!!! (P.S. Can’t wait read yours one of these days.)

  6. I’m thrilled you’re writing another book. That proves you’re writing for the right reasons: joy, fulfillment. I think the fact you’re putting your stuff out there, regardless of sales and fame, takes a lot of courage. I know you’re growing from this experience, and that is always the best reward. Keep on being you!

    1. Aw, thanks, love! I’m gonna take my time with this one to avoid any unnecessary stress. Otherwise, that zaps the fun. If anything, I have grown much from this experience. Absolutely! 🙂

  7. This looks like fascinating story! There’s nothing quite like the feel of starting off on a new story, is there? The potential, the wondering of how the plot and characters will develop…. That’s a great way to have spent a Thursday evening. 🙂

  8. Beautifully written and such exciting news to hear you’re starting a new book Britt! Can relate with the mixed feelings of anticipation for ‘me time’ and the worries of making it all fit in. Haha, thursday is my busiest day and usually just drop down and sleep like a log 😀

    1. Thanks, lovey! A new book is very exciting indeed! I’m ready to move on from editing my old works, that’s for sure.

      Haha! Friday’s are my drop dead night. I often fall asleep sitting up in my chair. Like a little old lady. 🙂

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