I taught movement for a long, long time. Ten years of dance to students of every ability and every age, followed by a Yoga teacher certification which launched me into another rambunctious nine months promptly after that.
At the end of March I moved across the States to the gorgeousness of Portland, Oregon. I haven’t taught since then, since early Spring.
Sure, a lot of it had to do with that effortless trauma that accompanies any move, or should I say a more uncomfortable word? Uprooting. But I’m not a good liar and I’m certainly not going to lie to you guys. The reality had nothing to do with that.
It was time for me to stop being the teacher. It was time for me to become the student…the observer.
I learned and grew so much from teaching, absolutely. Yet somewhere along the way I lost my own practice, the sweetness that comes with delving into the mind, body, and soul. The energy for myself was pushed aside to give to my incredible students.
I loved every beautiful minute of it—please, don’t get me wrong. But what is a teacher who is not able to pause and observe? Shit, not the teacher that I want to be.
I haven’t talked much about Yoga in the past year, not because writing has been more prominent with my book release but because I have been quietly observing my physical side.
My emotional and physical beings are deeply connected. As are all of yours.
The time has come to take the same approach with writing. To step away and give to myself by observing all that I can and once again become the humble student.
I’m determined to stick my little nose in as many books as I can. I’m beyond excited to dedicate time to reading again, rather than squeezing books into my packed schedule and feeling rushed.
So much of the past few years of my life has been dedicated to my work. I have self-published three novels and kept up a weekly blog which I pour my everlasting love into.
Every novel is the very essence of me. Every blog post is painstakingly created with attention to detail and undying tenderness.
I have three solid ides for my next projects—two novels and one short, a challenge I’m curious to explore. Unlike other times in my life, I’m not setting a timeline for lift-off. I’m gonna write when it’s right.
Now is not that time. Now is about observing the bits and pieces of life, absorbing that damning beauty we are all so fortunate to experience.
Before I used to teach any of my classes, whether it be dance or Yoga, I used to get so freaking nervous. My heart would race wildly, sweat would decorate my brow and my back, and I’d often consider ditching the class with some mediocre excuse.
Not because I didn’t cherish my students. Because I was terrified that I had nothing to offer…nothing to teach.
Through writing I learn incessantly about every moment, every breath, every heartbeat. I press the pause button on my personal chaos to record eccentricities, emotions, and events…but, what the hell do I know?
I’m only a student. And it’s time for me to observe.
30 thoughts on “The Observer”
I join Carrie in saying life is a constant ever evolving cycle of of phases, each one bringing a different emphasis, flavor or maybe teaching of its own. I can totally relate as I feel a slight pulling towards exact the same phase in my own life. I had more or less a similar post in my mind that I will write about in due time once I’m settled down in TX. It’s good to change places. It opens up different perspective. I will look forward to reading about your observations during this new phase in your life, Britt.
I know you’re going through a lot of life changes too, Karin. It’s an unsettling time, yes, but it is can also be very beautiful if we allow the flow to happen, right? Looking forward to hearing all about your journey as well.
It seems right that after all the work on Nola Fran Evie and the excitement and hard work of the launch, that its time for you to take a little pause to re-charge and decide where to head next. Concentrating on reading and observing sounds like a serene way to do that.
Indeed! I was feeling the need to pause and recharge when I first moved out here but I needed to see the Nola Fran Evie project through. It was challenging once I changed my whole location. Glad I made it to the release. And NOW I can explore a sense of ease.