No, I’m not going to be that employee who bad mouths her employer for laying her off. It’s really not my style. Because you know something? Shit seriously happens.
I was somehow sane enough to wait to write anything. Last week I was pretty blue, and I didn’t trust the words that would pour out of my weakened spirit. Then I performed the classic “should I or shouldn’t I” blogging dance. Should I write about losing my job?
Even though I wasn’t at fault, I felt ashamed when I set my sad little box of desk belongings on the kitchen floor. Over and over again, I replayed any possible missteps I might have taken at my job over the past two years that led me here—to being let go.
I remembered how hard it was for me to find an empty box through my blurred, tear-soaked vision on my last day. I looked all over the damn office and I couldn’t even find one. So I dumped some random files out of the closest box on the counter and made a run for it.
All of last week I was trapped in the unforgiving fog of failure. As it lifted, I realized I needed to write about my experience. Because writing is my free therapy, and also, I know a lot of you out there can relate to losing a job.
I don’t believe writing about a layoff should be taboo. This post isn’t about blame or injustice, or any other negativity that is a waste of energy—it’s about living and learning.
Again…shit happens.
I have only lost one other job in my life. It was just after 9/11 and I was slaving away at the front desk of one of those big, boring chain hotels. The hospitality and tourism industry was hit pretty hard. Instead of layoffs, they trimmed the fat by finding excuses to fire their part-time staff.
That was me. And that was when I first learned how wonderful being fired can be.
Don’t get me wrong. I was 19, up shit creek with no savings, a full-time college student living at home but making just enough for my car payment, cellphone, and some junk food.
Like an unstoppable avalanche, that sudden life change prompted several more life changes. I packed up my stuff and moved to Texas to reconnect with my family and get the hell out of dodge.
I left behind a no-good, abusive boyfriend who was on his way to prison and never looked in the rearview mirror as my self-destructive self became smaller and smaller, until it finally faded in the distance.
About a year after living in Texas, I met Mr. H. And, this all happened because I got fired after a terrorist attack.
That was fifteen years ago.
This job was the first time I knew stability. For going on two years, I kicked ass every day. I really enjoyed what I was doing and I loved my team to pieces—so much that I truly felt like they were my second family. Believe it or not, this was my first salaried job in life.
So, yeah. I had finally found my place, a career path, and I felt pretty damn secure.
I certainly had no idea that Monday was going to be the last time I would laugh with my team. We were on an office scavenger hunt, as a reward for our awesomeness in Q1.
The next day I heard a word I had never heard before…severance. Because it was so foreign to me, I didn’t understand what he meant when my boss said it.
On Wednesday the news was shared with the whole team. I tried to wrap things up in between depressive fits. It was pretty impossible.
Thursday I packed up my things into the sad box I stole.
On Friday I was hungover from booze and emotions, sitting in my living room without knowing what to do with myself. You think you should be doing what you normally do on Fridays—attending end of the week meetings, powering through your to-do list to make Monday more palatable, planning the fun weekend ahead. I was lost.
That weekend I made a choice. I needed to bounce back—the pity party was SO over.
Even though I felt like I had been hit by a bus, I started updating my LinkedIn profile. With Mr. H’s incredible support, I finally decided to take the plunge and pursue a freelancing career.
Yep, I hired myself.
I picked up the healthy habits I had shoved aside during my emotional rollercoaster ride. I meditated, practiced Yoga, ate a big ass salad, drank lots of tea and water, and cooled it on the self-medication masquerading as indulgence.
Slowly, but surely I’m climbing out of a very unexpected dark hole.
It was challenging to get a Life Enthusiast post out—it took me longer than usual to format it, and I smiled big when I hit that publish button. I’m behind on reading my people’s blogs and I miss my third draft very badly.
But, I’m coming back…not as the person you all knew before. I’ve seen and felt too much this past week to go back. And, I don’t want to anyway. I want to look forward—I want to absorb the sunlight and deflect the darkness.
“Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
The weekend before I got let go, I let go of all of my hair.
I wanted to make space for new things in my life. I didn’t know one of those new things was going to be severance. All I knew is that changes were coming.
I’m not exactly ready to say I’m happy this layoff happened. I am absolutely thankful for the experience and education I gained at my job, which are allowing me to go after a career as a freelance writer and content strategist. My boss took a chance on me and gave me an incredible opportunity. I’ll never forget that.
I’ll also never forget all of the beautiful people I worked with. I learned so much from them, enjoyed many awesome times, and they will always be a second family to me.
In the end, I learned that the modern-day human quest for stability and security can’t be found in a job. We can’t expect someone else to provide those qualities in our lives, and we can’t wait for them to come along and land right in our laps. They have to be found within us.
Have you ever gone through a drastic change that led to a whole new life?
P.S. Shameless plug…have some freelance work? Check out what I do on LinkedIn and talk to me!
Britt Skrabanek 
I’m so glad you were able to bounce back so fast, and good for you for hiring yourself! I got laid off from a high-tech marketing job one week after coming back from maternity leave–18 years ago. Best thing that ever happened to me! I haven’t worked for anyone but myself since then. I do miss the health insurance, but other than that, I haven’t looked back. I’m going to connect with you on LinkedIn, if that’s ok.
Thanks, Audrey! Ah, geez. That sounds like a nightmare. But yay for you too! 😉
I sent you a LinkedIn connection request. Let’s connect!
Hmmm……what a bummer. WHAT A STINKING BUMMER. But, you’ve hit the nail on the head with these lines “In the end, I learned that the modern-day human quest for stability and security can’t be found in a job. We can’t expect someone else to provide those qualities in our lives, and we can’t wait for them to come along and land right in our laps. They have to be found within us.” So, yes, hire yourself, love yourself, be kind to yourself ( and to others) and help make a world where the word severance becomes redundant. Hugs!
Stinking bummer is right, Gallivanta doll! But, what can you do? We’ve gotta keep on keepin’ on.
Hoping to never hear the word severance again. I like hugs much better! xo
Your situation, and that of quite a few in my own family, is why I am for a Basic Guaranteed Income policy. But very few Governments are likely to have the guts for such a radical shift in public policy thinking. Sigh.
Ow Britt. Things seemed to be going so well for you. I’m pretty sure it was nothing to do with you and everything to do with the figures.
But (cliche alert) out of darkness always comes light, and this might have done you a favour. There’s nothing more scary or rewarding than being your own boss. I really hope you smash it, you deserve to.
Brave post young lady and the very best wishes for your new life.
“Ow” is the perfect way to describe it, Roy. Brilliant! 😉
I’ve always loved a well-timed cliche. I’ll take it. Thanks so much for your support…for real.
Wow, talk about whiplash. Celebrating the 1Q goodness one minute and being let go the next. That company has some serious issues. Thankfully, they’re no longer your issues. You and gorgeous head of hair are on to new things! In the immortal words of Dr. Seuss, “Oh, the places you’ll go!” Best wishes on the freelancing. I think you’ll be awesome! Cheers!
Whiplash, yes. It was like…wait, what’s going on? Can I just keep repeating the scavenger hunt day and pretend like this one never happened?
Love that Dr. Seuss quote. It’s spot on. xo
Wow. I’m speechless. I’m so sorry to read about your job, but at the same time, I want to rejoice with you on the new direction your taking your life.
You’re an inspiration.
I want to say “good luck”, but I don’t think you’ll need it. You’re quite savvy and already successful, so instead of good luck, I’m going to say this: Here’s to your current, and all of your future, success – Cheers!
xoxo
Awww…you are such a sweet love for all of those words. Thanks, Casey! I really appreciate it. Cheers!
Oh, well, their loss, I reckon – some people never learn! Whatever new direction you head in, there’s bound to be lots of positives because it seems like you know where to find them. All the best.
Thanks, Curtis! Cheers to some positivity…for sure!
A brilliant and profound post that reminds us that security is a false assumption. Helen Keller says it best: “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.” I am looking forward to the many adventures that await you…keep us posted. Whatever you do, I know you will be amazing.
You always have the best quotes. I’m such a diehard fan of Helen Keller, but I’ve never heard that one. Thank you!
Here is the rest of it: “Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” I always get goosebumps when I read those words…
Were all with you girl…..😘😎😛😥
Thanks, John! Love it. 🙂
It’s so hard when I hear a friend struggling with a setback and I can only offer her love and a hug. But the good news, as you’ve seen, is almost every time there’s a change in your life it leads to something better. That’s what will happen for you, dear Britt! Anyone would be profoundly lucky to get your help. Love you!
I love hugs, so thank you! I agree this is a good change for me. This past week I’ve really been able to see that as I’ve landed on my feet with the freelance biz. I’m able to focus more on what I enjoy doing, while being outside and snuggling with my cats. Can’t complain!
Love you too, Dannie. Thank you!
I’m my own boss, too, and, boy, am I a taskmaster. Here’s hoping your new boss let’s you take long lunches.
Good luck on this new chapter in your life, my friend!
LOL! Mr. H calls me taskmaster, so getting shit done is never a problem for me. But I do take cuddle breaks with the cats whenever I want now, because I CAN! Thanks, Mike! 🙂
[…] first I didn’t put two and two together. As many of you know, I got laid off from my job earlier this month. And though I have landed on my feet with a sudden leap into the freelance life, […]
I’m really sorry to hear about this. I (and a few other Marketo employees) will miss reading your ResponseCapture blog posts. Everything happens for a reason and I wish you nothing but the best in whatever venture the future holds.
Awww…thanks for stopping by, Russell. You’re a gem and I appreciate you telling me that. I’m still around…don’t be a stranger! 🙂