Beggars and Champagne

Milwaukee seagulls

Once upon a time, there was a magical land far, far away named Milwaukee. It was a land filled with beggars and champagne…

…at least in my eyes, the starry eyes of a non-native.

Before I moved here I led a previous life in Dallas, and a previous-previous life in SoCal. At a young age, Wayne’s World taught me that Milwaukee was Algonquin for “The Good Land”.

Hey, I thought it must be an alright place if Alice Cooper and the Native Americans said so.

Other than that, people told me it was a land of cheese and beer. Seriously, this is all I once knew.

When I first met my Milwaukeean paramour in Dallas, we interrogated each other – as we all do during the dating phase – and naturally we confessed our first dreadful jobs.

Quite casually, he said, “I used to be a beggar.”

Red flag!

“A beggar?” I asked, batting my eyelashes and trying my darnedest to stay open-minded, because man oh man was I smitten!

“You know…at the grocery store.”

Light bulb.

“Oh, a BAGger! You bagged groceries.”

Phew!

“That’s what I said.”

No you didn’t.

It turns out the letter “a” is pronounced a little differently in the Midwest.

We had a good laugh over that…obviously. And, me and my far-from-bumming beau got hitched and moved to Milwaukee, the good land.

*Read the rest of the story over at OnMilwaukee.com (I was invited to write a “Readers Blog” at On Milwaukee, so it would be awesome if you guys could stop by their place…I promise there are more laughs with this kooky tale.)

‘Tis the Season to Be Cheap and Creative

If you’re guilty of committing any of the following holiday fouls…

  1. Crying yourself to sleep every night leading to December, in December, and after December.
  2. Pawning your old VHS tapes to pay the minimum payment on your credit card bill just so you can have a little extra room to put more on it.
  3. Plotting the deaths of your neighbor’s reindeer lawn ornaments because one of them looked at you funny, and you need to defend your honor.

…step away from the solid fudge Nutcracker and put down the whiskey masquerading as eggnog.

Feeling inadequate for not being able to afford a crapload of crap for your family and friends is – you guessed it – crap.

So, why do so many of us continue flailing through the holidays in this unseemly manner?

Consumerism is contagious, a pesky bug which thrives on infecting our bank accounts and our psyches.

But, it’s all around us and there is no flu shot or magical elixir we can use to cop out. It is solely up to us to keep ourselves healthy, to become immune to this airborne excessiveness.

Does that mean you can’t participate in the gift of giving? No, it doesn’t.

Does it mean you can change your ways and give on a modest budget? Indeed, it does.

Just step outside of that shiny snowflake box – be cheap and creative!

Scenario #1: The family that’s impossible to shop for.

Gift cards get a bad rap (or wrap, if you will…ho, ho, ho) but they’re also easy, flexible, and crowd-pleasing.

Back when I was still living in Texas, my mom and I came up with the idea to do a gift card exchange in which each person bought one gift card rather than buying for everyone and breaking the bank. A reasonable denomination was decided and communicated to the family.

To make things interesting, my mom read ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas and we had to switch gift cards around the table each time a particular word was recited.

Obviously, this can be utilized with any holiday poem or story depending on your persuasion. Choose common words like “and” or “the” to ensure lots of trading comes into play.

For creativity bonus points, have each person write one or two sentences then combine them into one nonsensical holiday story.

For calorie burning bonus points, have everyone run around and switch seats instead of passing by hand.

Scenario #2: The family that’s possible to shop for.

Used bookstores are a gifting treasure chest if you feel confident about the merry interests of your fam.

Fueled by coffee and shoestring budget determination, my hubby and I hit up a multi-level used bookstore here in Milwaukee and selected one dusty book for each family member for the holidays last year.

I gotta say…we made out like a couple of elfin bandits in that bookstore.

My mother-in-law was our greatest challenge because she has read just about every book in creation. So, we put our heads together and came up with one of our best gift ideas ever. And although this is top secret stuff, I’m gonna share it with you.

My hubby is one of seven kids…that’s right – seven!

To represent each of them, we gave my mother-in-law vintage National Graphic’s for the birth month and year of each of her wonderful children.

Needless to say, she loved it!

This gift idea is thoughtful, heart-warming, and original – feel free to explore different magazine collections (Time, Vogue, etc). Although in my opinion, you can’t go wrong with National Geographic…ever.

Bottom line…that over-indulgent holiday mentality is unnecessary and absurd. It invites stress into your family time, and who in the hell wants him to crash the festivities anyway?

When in doubt, just give some love.

Do you guys have any inexpensive gift ideas out there? I’d love to hear them. I might steal one this year.

Laughing on the job

I just had to reblog this amazingly fun post from my blogger pal Aneesa over at “Live. Explore. Learn. Remember“.

I love every student/teacher interaction, but here are some of my faves…

  • “Oh Teacher! Your hair is like Lion King!”
  • “Teacher, are you married? If not, don’t worry. Every Jack has his Jill.”
  • Me: “Why are you a star?”   Student: “Because I have all the bling bling!”

Too many adorable moments not to share with you all. Happy Monday!

Your Tips…Staying Sane on the Plane

The people have spoken. We have united our brilliance, coming together to share our tried and true tips for staying sane on the plane.

In case you missed the post, you should probably click here to find out what the heck I’m talking about. Then you may proceed.

THE Q&A

Roy McCarthy (Back On The Rock) asked…
“Any solutions for local flights, like, how come you’re always last for the drinks trolley and you’re about to land?”

I said…
“If you want to get creative you can always press the stew light and fake a medical condition (wink, wink).”

T.W. Dittmer asked…
“Sane? Hmmm…”

I said…
“I know…it’s absurd. Mainly, I just wanted to rhyme with plane.”

THE TIPS

Letizia (Reading Interrupted)
“I always bring some food with me as food on planes is terrible. Especially a snack. There’s nothing more wonderful than getting out your own little bag of popcorn or something in middle of the movie; you will be the envy of the whole plane  And to drink a lot of water – especially for those long overseas flights.”

Gail (The Jotter’s Joint)
“In addition to books, music and journal, I take notecards and stamps so that I can send some love from the road. And I stock up on gum and hard candy. That way if I fall asleep with my mouth open at least my breath is fresh.”

Dianne Gray
“I absolutely hate flying so just walking onto a plane sends me into a spin. I take travel sickness tablets and that seems to calm me down a bit.”

AudiophileParadise
“My mantra for staying sane on the plane – A chilled glass of coke, a soft pillow, Beats by Dr. Dre headphones, and my MP3 player!”

Devon Goetzinger
(Devon doesn’t have a website, but you may remember her from the San Diego posts.)
“I’d add carrying hand sanitizer, Emergen-C, and anti-bacterial hand wipes. That’s all in addition to closing the air flow above your head if at all possible…no need to get sick from the coughing passenger 10 rows back who you’re forced to share *dirty* air with.”

Thank you bloggers (and my gal Devon) for chiming in with your awesome tips.

Readers, make sure to check out these blogs…they are all amazing and insightful!

Whether you’re traveling by plane, train, or automobile…have an incredibly delicious Thanksgiving. And, let’s all make a pact right here, right now.

Let us be grateful every single day of the year. Let us not lose our damn minds during the holidays.

Staying Sane on the Plane

We the People who brave planes are intrepid.

Together we experience hours of discomfort high above the clouds – trapped, smashed, and irritated.

Our legs fall victim to numbness, time becomes a sinister enemy, and suddenly you begin questioning yourself, perhaps asking: “Why in the hell did I even sign up for this BS?”

The answer is simple. You needed to travel somewhere far, and your futile attempts to learn how to fly as a child just never panned out.

Folks, it’s that time of year…the holiday season, otherwise known as over-priced, voluntary torture time.

Maybe you’re visiting loved ones in a small town nobody has ever heard of. Or perhaps you’re fleeing from them, squatting on a deserted island under your kicky new pseudonym…Ginger Gilligan.

Either way, your sorry little butt is going to be on a plane.

So, I thought we could make the unbearable slightly bearable by sharing flying tips. I’ll go first and you can put your two cents in down below.

If I get enough awesomeness in the comment section, I will create a follow-up post next week. Those of you with websites will be linked accordingly.

To be included, I need your comments by midnight U.S. central on Sunday, November 18th.

Here we go!

Britt’s Tips for Staying Sane on the Plane

  1. Peppermint Oil  No more smelling your foul neighbor or the dirty diaper in the row in front of you. Plus, it’s a great pick me up. Dab a smidge of peppermint oil right beneath your nose and enjoy some untainted bliss.
  2. Sustenance  Water, tea, fruit, and nuts are a must! Airplane tea is dreadful so I bring my own tea bags and request hot water. My favorites are peppermint and lemon ginger; both are uplifting and soothe your tummy.
  3. Army of Entertainment  Don’t limit yourself here. There’s nothing worse than bringing a new book you just can’t get into. Be prepared with activities that will excite different senses. Most of us possess technological wonders hosting an array of diversions. I’m pretty old-fashioned: books, music, and a journal for writing.
  4. Covers & Layers  Come prepared for ridiculous temperature variations. Season pending, having a sarong, shawl, or blanket handy is always a versatile staple on and off the plane. Layers are crucial! You don’t want to be stuck in that lumpy sweater when it’s stuffier than a sauna.
  5. Comfy Cute  Save the fancy shoes and clothes for later. Trust me, you will not arrive at your destination looking anything less than disheveled. On another note, being comfortable should not mean wearing your pajamas in public. When in doubt, the jeans/flats combo works like a champ.

Now it’s your turn. How do you stay sane on the plane?